Child-rearing is a joy for parents from preschool to primary school, but from Grade IV (onset of puberty) to high school, the parents’ hair turn gray. While the preschool and grade school children are still strongly influenced by home and school, the high school students question these influences. In their difficult transition to adulthood, the adolescent teens tend to assert themselves, appearing as rebels against parents and teachers. Thus, for parents, the toughest hurdle of child-rearing is trying to understand and help their surly, confused teenagers become responsible young adults.
The tough world teenagers face today
As teenagers, we also suffered stressful times in the fifties, but it was not as distressing as life in the seventies up to the present. Today, the world presents teenagers with moral conflicts that do not allow for simple solutions. They find themselves overwhelmed by more sexual, rather than romantic feelings, when they watch “love in the raw” on television and the movies, or see overt pictures in smut magazines. They also quickly discover that they inhabit a society of peers in which illegal drugs and alcohol are commonplace.
Taught to be kind and cooperative, they question why the business of the world seems to be based on self-interest and competition. Even their parents’ religious beliefs and values seem outdated and hypocritical.
Within historical and social changes, child counselors and psychiatrists are noting today’s urgent need to strengthen the moral values of the adolescents. The strong, yet sometimes wrongful, influence of media can damage their lifetime perspective. Therefore, parents need to consistently encourage their youngsters toward educational programs like Animal Planet, Discovery Channel and National Geographic, rather than wasting their time watching mere cartoons.
The vision of the young eagles
A wonderful attribute of teenagers is their concern for the major moral issues of civilization such as racial equality, poverty, self-serving government and ecology. This beam of light was brought to fore by 21-year-old speaker, Cristina “Kitte” Santos of the Barasoain Parish Youth Council, the only child of Pastor and Luzviminda Santos of Malolos, Bulacan.
Cristina, then a 17-year-old education sophomore at PNU in 1990, together with her parish group of 27 young men and women (her friends since Grade V), won the most outstanding award in that year’s Magnolia Youth Achievement Awards (MYAA), after they took up the challenge of their parish priest, Father Sonny Sunga, to go around Malolos, observe the basic needs of the simple barrio folks, and undertake a community development work over a seven-month period.
They decided to focus on Lamayan, a small fishing village off Malolos that could hardly be reached by ferry boats at high tide or low tide. Thus, half of the school population would often be absent, except for a few students who dared to swim across the river
They observed that the ferry boat riders had no roofed terminal station. The bangkeros were overcharging, overloading and generally had no discipline. They also noted a wasteland of 70 hectares of old rice land, which could not be reached by an old irrigation ditch on a lower level. The villagers would discourage them saying, “Hindi na uso ang magpaka martir” (Martyrdom is now old-fashioned), or “Bakit hindi na lang kayo magsipagtulog? Mga bata pa kayo.” (Why don’t you go to sleep, young as you are?)!
The young engineers and architects
To address the problem of funding, the older people suggested that they ask the governor or the mayor for help. But to learn the value of money, Cristina and her friends were determined: “We don’t have to wait for government’s help, for we can help ourselves.” In seven months, they raised P27,000 from selling old newspapers, singing for church weddings with Cristina on the organ, and conducting solicitation drives.
What helped the community tremendously were the structural designs of the engineering and architecture students in the group, while labor was provided by the villagers and farmers. Thus, a wooden footbridge was built for Lamayan, as well as ferry boats and a kubo (palm shed) for the boatmen. A three-meter deep by one and a half kilometer long irrigation canal link was built, which activated the old irrigation canal, benefiting 40 farmers. It took them one and a half months to complete the diggings.
This project underscored the truth that when given the opportunity and challenge to get connected, engaged and achieve, our teenagers can shine like the stars.
PYE: The Parent-Youth Encounter workshop
In 1994, during the governance of President Fidel V. Ramos, the UNESCO National Commission Education Committee sponsored the Workshop on Family Values held at the Philippine Normal University (PNU).
With Dr. Twila Punzalan as program coordinator and 11 professors, about 160 teachers and parents from 43 high schools in Quezon City, Marikina and Taguig, Caloocan, Valenzuela, Malabon, Navotas, Manila, Pasay, Parañaque, Muntinlupa and Las Piñas participated in the PNU seminar-workshop. Reflections of the shifts in social attitudes of two generations: “noon at ngayon” (then and now) at home, in school, and in the community stimulated the discussions of both adults and students. It was noted that family values of helpfulness, respect and responsible parenting were common before; while students were more obedient, disciplined, would fear the teacher and had no absences. Today, most of the families in the neighborhood keep an attitude of each-one-for-himself (kanya-kanya), and barely know each other.
Parent-Youth Encounter (PYE) of the PNU laboratory sophomore high school students and their parents became emotional. I sat first with the parents’ group. The agitation was mounting as several honestly admitted that the inner conflicts, enthusiasm and fears of their young adults often seem excessive to them. They may first react with patience (pasensya), but when the children would assert themselves, they naturally would scold back. The ultimatum, a scowling mother suggested was what her neighbor did, “Ipakulong mo na siya!” (Have him jailed!)
Their sons and daughters were assigned a room next door. Like their mothers, they were then writing “love notes” on heart-shaped pieces of paper to conclude their private session. With only 15 minutes left, they all looked stunned at the assignment for a good five minutes. A boy was fearful and hesitant to the teacher, “Topak ang ermat ko” (Mother gets really mad at times).
The PYE model developed by Dr. Twila G. Punzalan and the Values Education staff of PNU prepared both groups of parents and youth in separate rooms through an introspective personal and experiential activity that allowed them to reflect on their present relationships in the family. Reflections revealed imagined fears, embarrassment, sibling rivalry, generation gap, the tendency of parents not to listen to their children, over-protectiveness of parents, lack of communication, parental absences and the like.
Dr. Punzalan described the PYE as their first experiment. She explained that, “although we Filipinos are known for our being objective and emotional, we tend to be indirect in expressing our feelings to others, especially our loved ones. Parents tend to keep things to themselves rather than directly opening their hearts to their children and vice-versa. Thus openness does not prosper in the home.”
Discovering the treasures that teeners’ hearts hold
During the encounter proper, new feelings were sparked in both the parents and children. One parent was overwhelmed and cried when she read her daughter’s “love note.” “You are the greatest mother in the world.” She cried because she never dreamed to hear this from her child. Her daughter cried in disbelief that she could express that face to face with her mother. Another teenager handed a note to her mother that said: “I am sorry for all the times I did not listen to your advice. But I hope you would also give me a chance to explain my side.”
Another also revealed to his mother his strengths and weaknesses. Another teenager was awed by her mother’s encouragement, “Let’s fulfill our dreams together. I know you have the potentials of making this dream happen. You have such good qualities to fulfill this.” This girl also had the courage for the first time to write her mother, “Huwag ka sanang masyadong mainitin ang ulo. Mommy, tumawa ka naman dahil ang tawa mo ang inspirasyon ko sa buong araw.”
Most of the letters written by the children expressed their being sorry for their faults melting the hearts of parents to forgiveness. The encounter touched everyone’s heart. The participants from various schools were teary-eyed. The embraces, hugs and hand clasps were done by the parents and children without the same inhibitions and hesitations observed among them before.
These experiences of PYE convinced the 160 high school teachers and parents that it was time to replace the traditional PTA conferences with Parent-Youth Encounter sessions. The teenager’s heart is full and vigorous. At this present time, they need more of the “education of the heart” rather than mere teaching to make the passage to adulthood easier for them. Both parents and teachers could also make sure that the children’s moral values do not get trampled upon by the harsh realities of daily life.
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