Three Kings

So how did Simeon Datumanong end up as justice secretary? Would he be merely acting as a dummy for the real power behind the Department of Justice?

Oh well, it’s just the start of the year. We’re still waiting for President Arroyo to electrify us with the changes she would be implementing. The buzz yesterday was that retired Gen. Leo Alvez, the former commander of the Presidential Security Group who was among those who secured Mrs. Arroyo during EDSA Dos, would be the next national security adviser. Is the position vacant?

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Yesterday we celebrated the Feast of the Three Kings, now a movable feast marked on the first Sunday of the year. But for most of my life Three Kings was celebrated on Jan. 6, a day when children received more Yuletide gifts. So today, in the spirit of gift-giving, I’m sharing with you my favorite e-mail of the season, sent by a fellow journalist. Those with e-mail have probably read this. It’s supposed to be George Carlin’s view on aging. Who’s George Carlin? Who knows? Read on:

Dedicated to all those who will be growing older on Jan. 1: Happy New Year!

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?

If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I’m four and a half!" You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I’m gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life… you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony… YOU BECOME 21| YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50… and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there.

Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I’m 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

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HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about that stuff. That is why you pay him/her.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil’s workshop." And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don’t send this to at least eight people – who cares?

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On the eve of Three Kings I spent two and a half hours waiting for a referral for an annual medical exam in one of the top hospitals here. Then I waited another half hour for the medical insurance company, which boasts that it has ISO certification, to approve the exam. Then I waited in line for about 20 minutes at the cashier. Then I waited an hour and a half before finally undergoing a five-minute examination. Another 15 minutes and I got the results. Another quarter of an hour and I finally got out of the hospital parking lot.

I wonder how patients on charity fare. There has to be a better way of providing health care.

After studying the results, I was told that a pain I felt recently was simply another sign of aging. So I waited more than four hours to be reminded again that I’m growing old.

Oh well, I’m looking forward to turning 100 and a half.

Happy Three Kings!