MANILA, Philippines - What’s the one thing that Kris Aquino, Anne Curtis and Charice Pempengco have that us mere mortals don’t? Well, besides fame and having a ton of money, it’s having copious amounts of confidence and self-esteem. Heck, they wouldn’t be who they are or where they are now without it. Now, I’m no psychology expert, but chances are, this sense of self-worth has nothing to do with the Napoles kind of stolen worth and everything to do with the person who stares at you in the morning while you’re brushing your teeth, combing your hair, or putting on deodorant (assuming that you do).
Marilyn Monroe once said, “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are†— that is, after she had shed her life as Norma Jean and embraced the Hollywood blonde-shell that we have all come to know her to be. But as evidenced by Smash, My Week with Marilyn, and her E! True Hollywood Story, she had her fair share of self-esteem issues, too. Thankfully, there isn’t the time of day, or enough public interest (still looking at you, Napoles!) to make a musical, biopic, or docu-drama about each and every one of our poor, lil’ lives. But we did manage to round up 10 individuals from different creative fields and picked their minds about a time when they were the farthest thing from being comfortable in the skin they’re in.
If anything, they’ve had to fight their way through personal hell and back, for their own slice of self-fulfillment heaven, or figure out more inventive ways in which to keep the proverbial “fat kid inside†at bay.
Really, we should all be taking our cue from one of our generation’s superstars, Mr. Daniel Radcliffe: “I used to be self-conscious about my height, but then I thought, ‘F*ck that, I’m Harry Potter!’†Now that’s self-esteem.
—Christopher De Venecia
Jasmine Curtis-Smith, actress, model, and student
I think it’s okay to have a phase of doubt in yourself. But you should know when to stop doubting and start believing in yourself.
When I had to make a decision about what I was going to do for my tertiary studies, I felt like I wasn’t capable of making a decision for myself.
I overcame my frustrations by letting it happen. I let myself get sad. I let myself cry and not talk to anyone. But at the same time, I pulled myself up to make sure there was a balance of emotions.
Know what your strengths are because I know it’s such a waste if you let your doubt overtake and overpower what you can do and what you can excel at.
Instead of sulking, use that energy to be better and improve skills.
Keeping it in yourself isn’t going to fix anything. If you know you’re going nowhere on your own, it’s not going to hurt you to ask for help.
I think anybody who starts out in creative work starts out thinking that their work is never good enough.
I was always embarrassed to show my work, always embarrassed to put it out there.
Number one advice: get your work out there. Don’t be ashamed of it.
It’s always good to put your work online. It’s always good to join short film festivals.
Don’t be afraid to say “hi†to people, particularly producers and directors.
When I was starting out, I would hunt down directors and look for their numbers, and just call them up even if they didn’t know me and ask them for advice.
Just keep doing and working, and eventually your output will meet your expectations.
Riki Flores, Magic 89.9 DJ and host of BTV
Ever since I got into the media industry, I’ve always been branded as the small one. It affected me a little bit, but then I learned how to build on it.
That’s where I get my uniqueness and my individuality — because I’m small.
I’m able to do things that tall people can’t do; that’s how I like to put it.
The thing with this industry is they’re always looking for something for you to stand out. You just have to be yourself.
You can’t really put yourself down and make yourself feel small no matter what anyone else thinks.
Your main goal is to be yourself and to find something that nobody else has, and use that as a tool to succeed in the industry.
There was a time when I was unhappy about myself. I tried being alone for a while and rethinking what really makes me happy.
I just try to focus on things that make me happy. Movies, books, hanging out with friends, and going on adventures.
Make sure you try to reinvent yourself. Rethink things. Most people are unhappy with the versions of themselves. It’s good that you reinvent yourself every once in a while, so you know what you want.
Have your priorities straight and your goals straight, and focus on that.
Change is good.
Sarah Marco, vocalist of Taken by Cars
For the past 10 years, it has definitely been a matter of finding myself. It’s a cross between a lot of mistakes from my rebellious childhood and the results of some family problems. I would find myself in the wrong places.
I sought solace in friends and just having a good time outside the house — and it was there that you kinda get lost along the way.
It’s only through my legendary mistakes that I was able to find my own identity. And it’s through my faith that I was able to restore whatever self-esteem was lost.
I could turn to music whenever I felt lost or something really tremendous — tremendously sad or tremendously happy.
Music has really been a passion that served its purpose in my life, and gave me a sense of purpose.
That’s what having some self-esteem is all about: finding your worth and passion. The band truly gave me that, and I’m truly grateful because I’m surrounded by band mates who are incredibly intelligent and talented, and who can still be my friends even outside the music business.
The process of defining who you are starts within your family. I would encourage everyone to have a strong relationship with your family.
Just be passionate about something. If it’s music, try to get it out there. People can turn to other things, like sports, music, art, because that’s the one thing that will keep you from turning to other things that can ruin you.
After graduating, I worked for the family business, a tour company. It led to how I made my latest film, Transit. The story is inspired by my travel.
It kind of makes me feel bad whenever I get rejected because I get it a lot. I start to feel that maybe it’s not good enough, or maybe I wasn’t meant to do this kind of thing, because the rejections get really, really discouraging.
The rejection is both a good thing and a bad thing. If you get too much of it, you kind of get used to it; you get desensitized.
What helps is that people come up to you and appreciate your work. Like after I joined Cinemalaya, people I didn’t know tweeted me, that they saw my film and liked it.
I have a strong support system of friends and family. I think that’s really important especially if you’re pursuing a career in the arts. It’s so common for parents to not want their kids to pursue this kind of field. But I’m really blessed to have parents and family who really support me.
Be ready for a lot of rejection but that doesn’t mean that you’re not good.
If you’re honest about the stories that you tell, and you’re honest and passionate about what you do, I think that’s what people will gravitate towards.
Banjo Albano, marketing and events professional
Life gets us in different ways. We just have to face each challenge and embrace it and really try to remain calm. Especially now, we have those “keep calm†signs going on, and it’s true.
You just have to remind yourself who you are and believe in what you do.
Face each challenge head on. I think through your mini victories and successes, you can build more and more confidence. And hopefully it’ll give you more momentum onto your next victory.
This too shall pass. Sometimes when we’re young we get too overwhelmed, with relationship problems, or problems at home or just even amongst friends or at school, you have to remember that this is a time that may seem extreme, but you can’t let it hold you down. That doesn’t mean you can’t be sad or mad at a situation, but you have to understand that it gets better. It will always gets better.
Surround yourself with positive, good people. I would love to say family, but sometimes there are harmful families so you can turn to your friends. Just know that you need somebody. You can’t do it on your own.
It’s going to get easier, but you just have to have your core and your values strengthened to be able to face whatever challenge you have to face.
When I came to the Philippines from Australia, I didn’t go to castings because I didn’t have enough confidence. I had self-esteem issues in groups. They just put me on the spot like that. So in order to conquer that, I really just had to face the music. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
I want to be the best. People are starting to see that now.
Once you get that influence to people, like, “Hey, this guy’s in it for the real deal,†people will work with you. And they’ll help you out.
Times are going to get tough, especially if you’re a foreigner from another country. You just have to overcome that and push yourself.
It all depends on whom you surround yourself with. Surround yourself with happy people, surround yourself with people that are going to work with you, not against you. Anyone who’s not doing that is just passing by through your life.
Mikki dela Rea, DJ, designer, and teacher
When I was growing up, I was one of the smallest kids around. When you’re in prep or grade one, you’re going to be picked on. That’s what kids like, they like to make fun of you.
I overcame all that. I didn’t notice my height because I can’t really do anything about it. I just used it to my advantage.
When I was in college, I learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself with anybody else. Because that’s one of the reasons why people have problems with themselves. Either you feel bad, or it’s going to be your motivation to be better.
If you’re not comfortable in one place or in one spot, it’s probably not for you. Just go to some place you feel at home. Sometimes people judge other people, but you shouldn’t do that. Maybe there’s something in them that you might like.
I once dated a guy who would always insult me and make me feel bad. That was one moment when I was unsure of myself. The rest of my life was okay naman, because I’m always surrounded by my friends. They take me out.
It took me a while to overcome that issue. All my friends were very supportive. When you’re in a relationship like that, you don’t get the whole picture. But after a few months, I decided to leave him.
Listen to your friends. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good.
Stay away from things that make you feel insecure.
And when you feel insecure about something, take it as a challenge.