There are a few things most people know about Kara Pangilinan.
1. She can sing.
Or rather, she was born to sing. It leaves every single person in the auditorium thunderstruck whenever she renders a song.
2. She is an artist. Kara would never forget to bring her planner. She created it from scratch, designed it, and her planner is just the envy of every single student. Her doodles are not just mere drawings, they’re works of art.
3. She loves her family. If you visited the Pangilinan house, you would sense that it is so full of love. Her family is a big part of her life. I have honestly never seen a family that close and so supportive of each other.
These are some of the things most people would know about Kara. But what most people do not know is the grueling journey she has undergone these past few months.
Headaches. People have them every day and think they’re no big deal. Maybe if I don’t think about it then it’ll go away or maybe if I take a painkiller then the problem is solved. But, what if it doesn’t go away?
Think about a throbbing, unbelievably agonizing, excruciating pain shooting through your head. Imagine if you had to do piles of homework and attend rehearsals with that constant pain every waking moment of the day. How would you feel if you were dead tired in your bed, your whole body ready to go to sleep, but still the agony would not stop?
This is what Kara had to go through.
During the first week of February, Kara started to get a fever and massive headaches. Most people would have just stayed in bed and gladly taken a break. But Kara is not like most people.
She had a perfect attendance. No matter if she was sick or tired or sleepy, she would insist on going to school because she always has this notion: “If I can do it, then I’ll go!” So she would attend classes, go to rehearsals and take some painkillers to alleviate some of the pain. Kara kept thinking that it wasn’t anything serious and maybe it would go away sometime soon.
But the headaches kept coming. This became her routine for the next two weeks. Wake up, painkillers, eat breakfast, painkillers, go to school, painkillers, study, painkillers, and so on. She finally realized the gravity of the situation and told her parents about her suffering. This was the first time she realized that these headaches were not normal.
February 24: the first day of the year Kara Pangilinan was absent from school. Her first stop was to see her uncle who told her to go to an ophthalmologist. Her parents were thinking it might just be a vision problem.
In the eight years I have known Kara, I have never seen her with glasses or noticed any indication that she had any vision problems.
But the doctor saw multiple problems with her eyes. She had enlarged optic disc cuppings, small cataracts, and high pressure in the eyes. These problems, the doctors concluded, might have resulted from several possible causes, or could be traced to the brain.
“Probably an inflammation of the brain… or maybe a tumor…”
Such words don’t come up when describing ordinary ailments. They signify life-or-death situations.
Kara had a normal physical exam, followed by a neurological test. The doctors also wanted an MRI picture of the brain. This was one of the most painful experiences for Kara.
Think back to that piercing headache and imagine being cooped up in the MRI scanner. You would be enclosed in that tiny space with every single noise resounding, getting magnified, and echoing inside your already thundering head. Kara had to endure that during the procedure.
After hours of praying and waiting, they finally got the results.
Her MRI was normal, her brain was fine.
Her family was overjoyed and Kara was so relieved.
But why were the headaches still happening?
Kara had another checkup with the ophthalmologist, who suspected that she might have narrow angle glaucoma. She underwent several more tests, but the findings were insignificant. Everything else was ruled out until the doctors began to suspect it could be Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension or IIH.
I had never heard of this sickness. It is a very rare neurological disorder characterized by an increased intracranial pressure (pressure around the brain) in the absence of a tumor. Its symptoms are headaches, nausea, vomiting, buzzing in the ears and visual problems. If not treated, it may lead to swelling of the optic disc in the eye, which can lead to vision loss.
In Kara’s words, “It’s like getting the effect of a tumor without the tumor.”
One way to diagnose IIH is with a lumbar puncture, a procedure to collect a sample of cerebrospinal fluid to relieve intracranial pressure. In this procedure, a spinal needle is inserted deep into one’s spine until the fluid can be extracted.
After undergoing this procedure, Kara took a picture of herself, posted it on her Facebook, and said she was okay. Despite going through all those procedures, Kara looked genuinely happy in that picture. Imagine smiling after having had a needle go through your back.
I got to talk to Kara shortly after her lumbar puncture. I asked her some questions about herself and her experience. Her answers were far from what I expected.
“Can you say something about yourself?” I asked.
(Expectations: Describe her singing, acting and other talents.)
Kara’s answer: “I am active. Not physically, but I just hate having nothing to work on. I join a lot of organizations and school committees. I just love being busy. I give my 100 percent in everything I get into, from theater to DG (dramatics’ guild) and even the little things. I’m a pretty passionate person in general. I also enjoy singing and I’m active in my church.
“Being close to my family is a big part of my life. I love those guys.
“I like having fun and I try to have fun with everything I do. My friends and I even devised ways to make studying more enjoyable! I mean, what’s the point if you don’t enjoy?”
Question: What are your dreams in life?
(Expectations: Become famous or go into show business)
Kara: “I actually have a sort of bucket list written down. These are a few of what I want to do in my life.
1. Have a family. No matter what career I end up taking on, as long as I have a family, I’ll be okay.
2. Write a book that will have an impact on people.
3. Compose and sing a song that will transform the audience. I want the lyrics to move people or touch lives.
4. Volunteer at orphanages, charities or build a foundation that will help the Filipino people. I want to help other kids with neurological disorders as well.
5. Build a house that I designed on my own. I also want a Muji type store where I design all the merchandise.
Question: What was the hardest part of this whole experience with the headaches, the tests and the diagnosis of IIH?
(Expectations: The headaches or the lumbar puncture.)
Kara: “The emotional pain is way worse than any of the physical pain. The frustration, the uncertainty, and the fear were also very agonizing.
“Having to accept the circumstances was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. I was sick. I was more limited than I had ever been and I had to accept that. I also had to let go of so many commitments. But I was able to do it: accept that I was not at all Superwoman, and that it was okay for me not to be.
“The worse part was that I could hear and see my mom cry all the time and I was the one causing that pain. It was not only my mom, but also my dad, who shed tears because of me. My parents had to go through so much and pay so much because of me. It’s such a heavy feeling to have people stress over you and I felt like I was such a hassle to the whole world. Imagine having that burden on your shoulders.”
Question: Who were the people who helped you the most during this process?
(Expectations: Family and friends.)
Kara: “My mom was the one who was always there for me. She helped me get through that point when I could not admit that I was sick. We would argue a number of times because I wanted to go to school and she didn’t understand why I wanted to push myself. If it weren’t for my mom, my condition might have been worse and who knows, I probably would have been overdosed with painkillers.
“She was there in every single appointment, checkup, test and procedure, no miss. It was obvious that she was suffering so much for me but she was always there despite this.
“My family and friends were a big help to me as well. I feel so lucky and so loved because of the people who were there for me. The simple texts that said, ‘You can do it!’ or ‘Don’t be scared’ bolstered me. These people who stood by me made me feel that everything was going to be okay.
“Above all, I think God helped me the most during this time. At first I struggled though. I had a hard time praying and I can’t help but wonder what did I do to deserve this? Why me, of all people? Why did You allow this to happen?
“I turned to my favorite verses from the Bible.
“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)
“Then I keep getting texts like: ‘When this happened, I remembered you and Kara, you are the strongest person I know. I admire you so much for that.’
“I figured out that maybe God was using me to give others strength. Maybe… If I could just try my best to stay strong, then other people could do the same. Maybe that’s the reason for all of this.”
Question: Did this incident change your outlook on life?
(Expectations: Made me feel depressed or hopeless.)
Kara: “This was a very humbling experience for me. It was so hard for me to admit that I couldn’t do a lot of things anymore. I learned that I have to rest. Resting and slowing down does not entail that I am weak.
“I realized too that I’m okay. Despite everything, there are so many things in life that I can smile about. I learned how lucky I am because I could have had it way worse. IIH is like the effects of the tumor without the tumor, but what if I had that tumor? What if something went wrong along the way? What, then?
“People always go, ‘God you’re so unlucky.’ The condition hits one in 100,000 and people think it sucks that it had to be me. But you know what? For someone so unlucky, I’m so lucky to use this situation to help other people. I now love life even more.”
Question: What advice can you give to people who are going through similar situations?
(Expectations: It’s okay to cry and admit you’re sick.)
Kara: “I don’t know if I’m in any position to give advice because a lot of people have it a lot worse. But here are a few things that really helped me when I was going through all of this:
1. Always look at the bright side. I could have just been sad and mad but then it would have just been a waste of time. Sure, people would understand if I would just lie around and cry, but what good would come out of that? You can always be happy, if you choose to be, right?
2. In any problem, get the best out of it. Use your time well. This gave me an opportunity to reflect and to pray. My relationship with God got even stronger throughout the process.
3. Don’t give people around you a hard time.
4. Pull yourself together. Be strong.
5. Always be thankful.
6. Always pray!”
Although not yet completely cured, Kara is still staying strong and still believes in everything she told me when we talked.
But I think Kara should be best known as an amazing person. She is truly one of the most resilient, passionate, fervent people I have ever known. She is a living inspiration; knowing her has made me simply love life.
Why must we be so depressed about our lives when this young girl can find millions of reasons to smile?
In technical terms, Kara might be called sick. But on the contrary, she is indeed one of the strongest and healthiest people I have ever known — strong in spirit, wealthy in faith and rich in love. She is truly a superstar, inside and out.