MANILA, Philippines - 10. THE GILS
When Cherie, Mark, Michael and all their children aren’t in front of teleserye or film cameras, the family that acts together may sometimes act out on each other. There will be drama.
9. KEEPING UP WITH THE CALAYANS
Or watch Dr. Manny and Pie Calayan, surgeons to the stars (that aren’t already endorsing Belo), try to keep up with the cosmetic competition. Which C-lister will be dropping by the clinic? Like their billboard says, “To C is to Believe.”
8. FOR LOVE OR MANNY’S MONEY
More daunting to Manny Pacquiao than a boxing match is finding a perfect mistress match. Ten bimbos try to convince the Pacman — and themselves — that they truly dig him rather than his gold. Or a five-line speaking role in one of his movies.
7. MTV CREBS
Over here, stars’ maids show off their homes, naturally, but not without a helping of insider info from the help.
6. THE HELIUM CLUB: ON-AIR, FINALLY
Remember that Internet reality series that claimed to “change Manila forever” with its cast of “high society” scenesters? Its Facebook-dispersed trailers left a lot of hot air in their wake, especially when promise of an actual show dissipated in May of last year. If it were picked up by MTV, though, it’d sure be laughing gas we’d be addicted to.
5. ROAD RULES WITH JASON IVLER
Part Crossroads and part Grand Theft Auto, Jason Ivler tries to find inner peace on a cross-country road trip, seeing how far he goes on the cash and kindness of female fans, or before he loses it to some slow driver in the overtake lane.
4. RUFFA GUTIERREZ’S MY NEW BFF
Because after that Kris-tastrophe last week, you just know anyone who’d replace her would make for a less annoying friend. Could also be called Ruffa Gutierrez’s My New BF, after that whole thing with Lloydie.
3. ANNABELLE RAMA TALENT AGENCY
All contestants have to do is suck their guts in and stomach everything they’ve gotta do to get famous. Janice Dickinson doesn’t have anything on Mama Rama.
2. MTV SPRING BREAK WITH DOH SEC. CABRAL
Health Secretary Esperanza Cabral takes her safe sex show on the road to Boracay, where she combs the beach for horny college kids and hands out protection to those looking to party and procreate. Fist bumps may ensue.
1. THE REAL WORLD: MALACAÑANG
Obviously, this’ll be dirtier and sillier than any Real World that came before it. Cancun included.