Dear Mai Mai, China and Tingting,
My father and mother are separated and I live with my dad in Manila where I’m studying. They are not legally separated, but my father’s already dating and I feel very uncomfortable about this. He makes an effort to hide it from me, but I notice the signs. I have been keeping it to myself and I don’t know if my father cares about how I feel because we don’t talk about it. I don’t know if my mother knows about the dating either. What should I do? I love my mom and with my communications with her, I know she has not moved on and still hopes for a reconciliation. Only Girl
Your mother might not know anything or else she wouldn’t be hoping as she has told you. You can tell her what you’ve noticed, but I hope you’ll be careful not draw any conclusions. I think you should talk to your dad about how you feel. It isn’t good for you to be carrying all these worries yourself. If you don’t talk to him, there’s a chance that this will destroy your relationship because you’ll hate him for being able to move on while your mother is hoping for a reconciliation. Not to mention you’ll be angrier that he has not considered your feelings. Also, since you live with him, he should be able to help you understand what’s going on. After all, it is your life too. China
It’s unfortunate that children are placed in a complicated situation like this. Your father probably realizes this and that’s why he’s attempting to hide things from you. It’s sad, but it’s something you have to live with. I couldn’t possibly ask my father if he’s dating. I think it would be improper for me to do so. I would wait until things are clearer. He will eventually have to talk to you if anything gets serious anyway. And I wouldn’t make it my business to tell my mother, but I wouldn’t lie either; if she asks, I would let her know what I know. Nothing else. This will give her a good understanding of what the real score is. With this, she will know not to raise her hopes and that she recognizes that she should start moving on herself. Mai Mai
I think you should leave them alone. I can’t imagine you know everything surrounding your parents’ separation. Usually it isn’t only one thing. Usually it is a collection of many things, with one being the breaking point. I’m sure they agreed on how they will both progress with their lives. Even if they didn’t, I still believe it’s really between the two of them. Now, as to being “uncomfortable” with how your father is handling his affairs, I think you can drop hints that you know. This can force him to be more discrete, lay low or even completely stop dating. In the end, I advise you to concentrate on your relationship with your father and your mother rather than worrying about your father’s relationship with your mom. As adults, they should figure that out for themselves. Tingting