It sounded conceited and icy, although I truly wouldn’t have minded consoling Rose for a bit longer. It’s just that with her character, my trying to cheer her up might have led to another fight. A little too far-fetched, some would say, but if you stop and actually ponder on it, you’d understand what I’m talking about. You see, right there in front of me was a very stubborn and impolite young woman – somebody who I just met a while ago and who, in that short a time, had already given me a taste of what marriage must feel like.
I’m really not that difficult to be around and am in fact, quite easy-going, but it’s still my notion that any person who gets mocked, insulted and laughed at by a complete stranger for no good reason at all would get a little touchy – no matter how pleasant a creature can be. And it was proven a few minutes later, as my old cynical and detestable thoughts about life came out to play.
"Poor girl," I said to myself, and began wondering how I get myself mixed up in similar situations like this. Was I condemned by a Supreme Being to always run into people with issues? What the hell did I do to deserve that? All I wanted was to get drunk and have a good time that night for Christ’s sake!
So without saying another word to the girl, I turned around and walked away. The distance was quite a stretch, but just as I neared the club’s entrance, her royal dam burst. It was crazy because her aboutface was so sudden and atypical, as Rose collapsed to her knees, covered her eyes and sobbed on the ground. It became such a spectacle that I actually had to look back. The girl was a wreck and I stood there like an idiot – frozen. It was horrible.
Granted that I’ve been involved in these kinds of circumstances before, that particular moment was just too intense for my mediocre identity to handle it well (talk about self-loathing to prove a point). And it did take me time, but after all my unwillingness to go the extra mile, I was finally able to put my arm around her in a brotherly way. I handed her an extra handkerchief while her head tilted back and her figure crouched. Rose took my offer and buried her face in it. She was crying so hard that I thought I’d follow suit.
"It’s just not fair, eh. It’s not right," she sniffed.
"Oo nga eh. Ibili mo na lang ako ng bagong panyo. Sayo na lang yan," I joked. It was pretty stupid, but I didn’t have anything else to say.
"Gusto ko lang sana lumabas ngayon to forget all this, and I just can’t! Damn it!"
"Why? What’s wrong?" I asked, turning a bit serious.
She hesitated and ignored my follow-up questions, but soon changed her mind when I offered to buy her a cup of coffee. We left the bar without saying goodbye to Allan and Mickey. We both decided that they wouldn’t have cared anyway.
"So what’s up with you?" I asked again after she had calmed down.
"Hehehe. You probably thought that I was some kind of a nutjob back there, right?"
"Not really," I said. "But I wouldn’t have cried on the ground if it was me."
"Yea, I know. Sorry about that one, Matt," she uttered, while I smiled. It was the first time that evening she didn’t retort with a cutting and nasty remark.
"It’s OK if you don’t want to talk about it, girl." I sensed she didn’t want to talk about whatever problem she had anyway.
"Yea," she sighed. "I have this, um, ailment..."
Slowly, desolately, I listened to her. And it turns out that her condition was "pretty serious" ((buti na lang non-contagious). There were no more tears in her speech, but I felt even sorrier for Rose than when she was crying her heart out awhile back. I did my best to lend a hand through talking, although I think it didn’t make much of a difference. It probably even made it worse because her bitchiness completed another comeback on our way home.
"You know, Rose, I hear there are some good doctors abroad. Maybe you should consider getting treatment there," I commented while flagging down a cab.
"Don’t you think I already sought that? You really do give crappy advice!"
"Sorry. I was just tr..."
"Look. Why don’t you just give it a rest and shut-up already? Moron!" Her eyes, which were still pretty despite all the weeping, seemed to convey pleasure. And it almost felt like she was daring me to engage in another tiff with her.
"OK. But for what it’s worth, I apologize if I ruined your night," I smiled as I walked her to the backseat. I decided not to take the bait, and this made her even more livid.
"You most likely just ruined my year, you hypocritical *@#@)$T!: she screamed. "At least I won’t hear any of your bullshit when I’m dead!"
"Good night, Rose. I’m just here if you need someone to talk to, aight?" I told her as I walked away for the last time. "You take this one. I’ll just wait for another."
"Whatever!" she yelled back. I didn’t hear from her again after that night.
I called up Allan a few weeks later and told him what happened. But instead of getting more enlightening details, he looked just as confused, and claimed that neither he nor Mickey knew anything about Roses er... state of affairs. I snapped at Allan and told him to stop setting me up on dates.
"What makes you think I’m always on the prowl for girls?" I asked. My voice was trembling out of edginess.
"Hindi date yun! Rose really just wanted to tag along with us, pare!"
"Tag along!? Parang gusto nya na akong saksakin nun noh!"
"It was probably just playful banter, tol," the bastard insisted. "Besides, what are you so upset about? You won’t see her naman na, di ba?"
I didn’t answer, and I felt dejected as I went on my way. It’s true that the girl made me her personal punching bag of expletives, but I still thought there was a lot of good in her. There were short moments of kindness and I realized now that she almost certainly didn’t enjoy being a bitch all the time. I understood that it was her "ailment" – how it took over a once gentle nature (if it ever existed in her), and left behind an ugly, defiant spirit.
I read in a study that many people with serious illnesses change their ways of living significantly. The loud become meek, the homebodies turn into adventurers, and the religious commit suicide. But it also said that it was temporary (except maybe for the suicide thing), and they soon go back to being who they really are – "whether they shall live or die." And in Rose’s case, she just bit your head off as her defense mechanism. I knew that now, and I wished her well in my mind.
About a month ago I had lunch with Mickey. I was surprised when she said Rose had left for the States, "treatment daw," and even more so when she handed me a letter. "Pinapabigay sayo just before she left," Mickey said. "Wala na nga akong balita dun eh." I just grinned and opened and read simply: "Thank you for staying with me through that night. I’ll always remember you for it."
I stared at it for a while and wondered how she was doing now. I’ll probably never know, and I’m not really sure if I want to. We were never destined to become the best of friends and I was well aware of that.
Every now and then we meet these eccentric strangers like Rose who enter our lives for a minute then depart – just as sudden as you entered theirs. You do forget them eventually, as they become lost in everyday life. They may call it crazy, but those we call the trivial ones, the people who never strive to lift you up spiritually and inspire you, are sometimes the ones who actually do.