MANILA, Philippines – It’s all about expanded universes now in Hollywood’s moviemaking arena. From Star Wars to Marvel and DC superheroes to Harry Potter and even Mad Max, the entertainment industry is squeezing everything it can out of existing storylines, and churning out sequels, spin-offs, remakes, tie-ins, video game extensions, book deals and what not.
Of course, where America goes, the Philippines is not far behind, and as the Metro Manila Film Festival begins, we now give our pitch for what the Pinoy movie landscape will look like in the coming years. Producers, pay attention. Big studio stars? Check. Awe-inspiring visual effects? Check. Character crossovers? Check and check. Come Christmas 2017-2032, studios may just as well bring in more sequels than anyone could ever ask for — too much, in fact, so that we’ll have to die just so we won’t have to continue watching them.
Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah Vs Machete: Scenes From A Marriage
Dream Team: Angelica Panganiban as Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah/Vice Ganda as Ada and Piolo Pascual as Dodong/Machete
The Neverending Story: Dodong acquires the power of the “hunk of wood” Machete after he accidentally uses a cursed wooden vibrator. Ada enjoys her husband’s newly acquired “strength” at first, but the more Dodong uses it, the more Zaturnnah weakens. As Dodong crosses over to the dark side of the (sexual) force, Zaturnnah has to make a choice whether to destroy the person she loves or just enjoy eternal sexual bliss.
Franchise Potential: The story can be split into two “volumes,” à la Lars Von Trier: one half focuses on the sensual adventures of Ada and Dodong and the other half will be a darker tale about love and passion.
Exit To Eden
Dream Team: Heart Evangelista as Eden, Jericho Rosales as Flavio/Panday
The Neverending Story: Part of Panday’s expanded universe, Exit to Eden, Heart Evangelista reprises the role of Eden from ABS-CBN’s Panday. Many of the show’s fans complained that Eden was an underwritten character for someone with such high acting caliber as Evangelista. Terrence Malick directs this beautifully photographed film which finds Eden in the wilderness for 30 days as she struggles to find her way back to her true love. Along the way (as in for the entirety of the film), she waxes poetic about the meaning of life and love, runs her hand through the wind and the sand, and stares longingly into the horizon, even though she’s too thirsty and hungry to do so.
Franchise Potential: A parallel film where Flavio just looks at all the wrong places. Like Super Mario.
Avenger: Age Of Undin
Dream Team: Mahal as Undin, in a performance-capture role like Andy Serkis’ Gollum; Lilia Cuntapay as Yaya; and Coleen Garcia as Maloy
The Neverending Story: A retelling of the “Nanay” segment of Shake Rattle and Roll III told through the perspective of the creature, Undin. It tells her story as a mother and “humanizes” her plight to regain her children. If Maleficent can humanize feared villains, why not the Undin?
Franchise Potential: A motherhood-centric talk show with Manilyn Reynes and a puppet Undin.
Drawn Together
Dream Team: Jericho Rosales as Panday, Marian Rivera as Bakekang, Robin Padilla as Totoy Bato, Aljur Abrenica as Totoy Bato, Alex Medina as Elias Paniki
The Neverending Story: Now living their “normal” lives as office workers, a documentary crew chronicles the menial mishaps and daily struggles of these iconic komiks characters, with Carlo J Caparas as the boss, who possesses a sense of humor similar to Steve Carell’s Michael Scott. From staging office olympics, safety issues, and keeping their paper company afloat in a digital world, this mockumentary series ultimately proves Caparas is worthy of being reinstated as a National Artist.
Franchise Potential: The lives of other minor characters such as Gagambino and Tasya Fantasya as the office’s accountants.
Super Inggo: Wake The Devil
Dream Team: Makisig Morales as Super Inggo and Jarius Aquino as Pareng Jomar
The Neverending Story: Pareng Jomar finally fulfills his destiny as the Prince of Darkness, even sprouting horns à la Hellboy. It is up to Super Inggo to bring his former best friend (they had a falling out after college) back to the side of good.
Franchise Potential: A prequel documenting Budong and Jomar’s falling out.
Trese: Dark Horse
Dream Team: Angel Locsin as Alexandra Trese and Vice Ganda as Petrang Kabayo
The Neverending Story: Petrang Kabayo, with the decline of the horse racing industry, becomes overlord of the underground cabal of tikbalangs. When one of the tikbalang knights crosses the border between realms, it causes a rift between the two worlds, opening the doorways to the netherworld. It is up to Trese and Petra to fight the onslaught of evil creatures and seal the return of balance to both worlds.
Franchise Potential: A film featuring the Kambals (Raymond and Richard Gutierrez) just hanging out in underground clubs, Entourage-style.
Encantadia: Civil War
Dream Team: Iza Calzado as Amihan, Sunshine Dizon as Pirena, Karylle as Alena, Diana Zubiri as Danaya, and Dingdong Dantes as Ybrahim
The Neverending Story: Encantadia is wracked by civil war. The Sang’gres are turned into four evil goddesses: War (Pirena), Famine (Danaya), Death (Alena), and Pestilence (Amihan), by the rival Titan-like deities who have awoken and intend to bring forth the apocalypse and create a society full of slaves to their wicked wills. It is up to a resurrected Ybrahim (in spirit form) and Lira, imbued with the combined powers of the four Sang’gres, to find the Light of Life and rid the Sang’gres of evil.
Franchise Potential: A series of YA books about the four Sang’gres and their internal struggle to become good.
Rizal Day
Dream Team: James Reid, Nadine Lustre, Jennylyn Mercado, Jericho Rosales, Angelica Panganiban, JM De Guzman, Kris Aquino, Herbert Bautista, Sarah Geronimo and Piolo Pascual
The Neverending Story: A reunion of Antoinette Jadaone’s iconic love teams — and finally, Kris and Bistek’s return onscreen, Rizal Day finds five couples in different situations that will test the strength of their love. Each half of the love teams encounters the other halves to give each other advice and wisecracks about how to fix their LQs before Rizal Day ends.
Franchise Potential: A Cathy Garcia-Molina love team reunion set during the APEC holidays.
My Horse’s Bossing
Dream Team: Vic Sotto, Vice Ganda, Kris Aquino, Bimby Aquino, Maine Mendoza, Alden Richards, Jose Manalo, Wally Bayola and Paolo Ballesteros
The Neverending Story: Basically, a series of product placements by Vic, Vice and Kris, which revolves around a story about the three struggling to rescue Bimby, Alden and Yaya Dub, who are kidnapped by Lola Nidora’s enemies.
Franchise Potential: A spinoff — which is actually a two-hour-long McDonald’s and BPI commercial — involving Lola Nidora, Tidora and Tinidora trying to figure out another plot about a diary that actually doesn’t exist.
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