Sen. Miriam Santiago is your new best-selling humorist
MANILA, Philippines - The early campaigning period went up a notch this week when Sen. Miriam Santiago launched her book Stupid is Forever, an anthology of jokes and pickup lines culled from her many rockstar speaking engagements. There’s something weird, endearing, and ultimately very clever about the fact that the supposedly Smartest Senator Alive chose to generate name recall through a joke book. If you’re keeping score this early, you know that Sen. Miriam clearly has at least one edge over the other presidentiables and it’s not even close: she’s self-aware.
Claudia Buenavista is back and she’s campier than ever
Pangako Sa’yo, arguably the first local primetime soap opera to ever paralyze the entire country, is getting a reboot. Judging from the fact that the Internet went bonkers over ABS-CBN’s teaser, it’s pretty safe to say that people can’t waitto rekindle their love for the classic rags-to-riches/revenge fantasy/love story. The star-crossed legacy of Kristine Hermosa and Jericho Rosales looks to be in good hands with Kathryn Bernardo and Daniel Padilla, but the real casting genius lies in Angelica Panganiban who seems poised to give the delightfully evil Claudia Buenavista the added camp she rightfully deserves.
The Victoria’s Secret fashion show became an instant Internet hit with Arianna Grande sprinting to the 2014 meme all-star finish line. Singing on the catwalk, the unsuspecting petite pop star dodged a lingerie model’s oversized wings, producing a facial reaction for the ages. Taylor Swift also made news because she’s Taylor freaking Swift and because she performed in lingerie herself, which, if the Internet were to be believed, made her “outdo” the actual professional lingerie models. This is like saying Drake outscored Kobe Bryant in this week’s Raptors-Lakers game. Come on, people. Lay off the Taylor Swift Kool-Aid for a while. You all need help.
Typhoon ‘Hagupit’ conjuring terrifying flashbacks
As I write this, typhoon “Hagupit” is making its way to Visayas and seems to be getting stronger. With the fist anniversary of Yolanda still fresh in our rearview mirrors, this is the scariest headline possible during this young holiday season. Here’s hoping that we dodge this bullet somehow. Stay safe, Visayas.
Last week, MMDA traffic enforcer Jorbe Adriatico was a victim of an arrogant Maserati driver who punched him in the face after a traffic altercation. This week, he’s a power-tripping bully who instigates fights against luxury car motorist Joseph Ingco and another anonymous female motorist whom he has “victimized” in the past. Which side of the story is true? Well, the truth is a rare commodity in social media, but there is an abundance of its adopted cousin — truthiness. It is a version of the “truth” not based on actual evidence but on gut feel. What may be truthy last week may not be so truthy this week or the next, as Mr. Adriatico found out the hard way.
The force is strong with the ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’ teaser trailer
If you thought 90 seconds of sparse footage couldn’t sustain a week’s worth of discussion, then you clearly haven’t seen the teaser trailer for Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens and lived through this week. Every single minute detail — from the new crucifix-like Sith light saber, down to the marking on Oscar Issac’s pilot vest — has already been dissected to death and we’re not even one year away from its showing. But this is really the best time for the Star Wars franchise — those glorious months and days before the actual movie screens, after which generations of fans proceed to tear it apart. Right now, The Force Awakens isn’t a big “betrayal” yet, but a really exciting talking point. I’m sure director J.J. Abrams is savoring every second.
Ashley Madison thinks life is short, so it’s making your marriages shorter
Justice Secretary Leila De Lima is calling for the ban of extramarital dating site Ashley Madison, which finally debuted in the Philippines this week, after more than a century of Pinoy men, mostly in power, collecting wives and bastard children as if they were vintage cars, and pretty much getting away with it. With Ashley Madison, however, cheating is an equal opportunity — women get to do as much prowling as men.
Law enforcement people and clergymen are obviously upset, but so should affair “purists” be. Aren’t extramarital affairs supposed to be discreet, unexpected, myserious, and whatever the hell else movie producers see in them? Isn’t the organic progress of relationships outside marriage part of the thrill? Well, Ashley Madison is here to reduce your cinematic and literary experience to sleazy online browsing. After all, the site is named after the two most popular baby names in America, just to make sure you’re fully aware of the kind of sleazebag you’ve become while logging in.
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