Who are the scariest people on the Internet?

MANILA, Philippines -The Internet’s one of the most boring places in the world. It is where you turn to when bored; it is where you go to bore yourself. Save for the occasional virus threat, nothing can really scare you online. Some things may spook you, surprise you, but seriously, there’s nothing the Sign Out button can’t remedy. But we at Supreme have a list of some people on social media that, on second thought, might just spook you.

1. The UP Carillon (@UPCarillon)

To set the mood for this piece, follow this account. It “tolls”/tweets every hour, on the hour. “Ding ding ding” (it’s 3 a.m.). Scary part: Imagine the guy handling this account, stuck in front of the computer, tied to his device, cursed with managing the account—Twitter’s very own bell-ringer.

2. @MMDA.

The personification and modernization of Big Brother, complete with CCTV cameras and bad traffic “forecasting.” (You call this traffic MODERATE?!) Obey, Big Brother!

3. The one who’s always out travelling

These are the people who are responsible for all the disgruntled and discontented employees. Employers should ban their employees from viewing their travel blogs. They are the reasons why many fear work. What scares me, though, is when it all crashes down — when you realize that their online personas are far from that free-spirited traveller. And they’re just as regular and boring as you are.

4. The one whose private life is out and out online

First, there’s the rant about work. Next, there’s the break-up post. Finally, there’s the up-to-the-minute update. They are not scary per se. The scary — even disturbing — part is when you actually meet in person and you realize, “I know EVERYTHING about this guy even if we haven’t met in years.”

5. That person who posts his/hergym routine online

… and even comments about every UFC match. For someone who’s got no fighting skills, it’s scary to see these people comment on their muscles, the body pain, and the many ways this or that player could’ve beaten the hell up the other guy. Not to mention, the disgusting semi-nude posts.

6. The one who reposts articles uponreading the headline

The modern-day illiterate is personified by those who don’t know how to read beyond the headlines. They are the same people who can’t get satires. They are partly to blame why the saying “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing” was made. They are scary because you can see how easy they infect others with their disease. Yes, read. But please read some more.

7. The classmate whom you haven’t met for a long time…

…and Is Now Part of Something You Have Never Thought He/She Will Be In– Facebook’s come-on used to be a place to reunite with long-lost friends and colleagues. But when you see your old classmate who’s now in some weird hobby you never thought they’d be in a few years ago, it can be scary. I’ve seen friends, really intelligent and innovative ones, who can really do something BIG for our country. But when I caught up with them on Facebook/when they messaged me online, it was for some empty networking stint you can supposedly earn millions from. Scary things money can do.

8. Teddy Boy Locsin (@teddyboylocsin)

Try to argue with this guy. He’s a renowned lawyer and a congressman. He’s brilliant, witty, and driven; it’s hard not to agree with him. But add his kapalmuks and empowered ugaling kanto, and what you get is some scary dude who’ll take on your tweets, no matter how small or how big you are. Beware, he’s not afraid to flip a middle finger at you.

9. Praise Secretary Abigail Valte (@Abi_Valte).

She’ll fight to the death to defend her employer (the President) even if it means replying to small fry or contradicting herself. It’s scary how some people can hold such high positions and keep themselves blind. Well, to be fair, it is her job. Trabaho lang, I guess.