Locals call vuvuzelas “the sound of Africa,” but athletes and viewers of this year’s World Cup think otherwise. “It is difficult on the pitch to concentrate. A lot of players don’t like them,” Portugal superstar Cristiano Ronaldo told the BBC.
Bosses at the continent’s first-ever tournament have been inundated with complaints about the three-foot plastic horns, the blasts of which have been measured to reach more than 125 decibels. Aside from being as obnoxious as a didgeridoo and as loud as a jet engine, the big-ass trumpet also has a frequency similar to human speech; broadcasters are reportedly wracking their brains trying to deal with the distraction, as filtering out the low buzzing would interfere with the match commentary. On the bright side, enterprising street vendors have something else to sell now: ear plugs. (Plus, a vuvuzela is a much better national avatar than a blood diamond.)
Speaking of strange noises, Shakira’s Waka Waka (The Sound of Africa) is either the greatest World Cup anthem this tender generation has ever heard or it could be the sh*ttiest. Part The Lion King, part Numa Numa Song, the tune is as catchy as gonorrhea and actually serves its purpose of uniting soccer-mad geeks in temporary silliness. It will, however, never top the greatness of Ricky Martin’s pre-milennium La Copa de la Vida (The Cup of Life). Don’t laugh.
Like Oil And Water
Soccer — or football, if you’re European or Latin American — is supposed to the be the “beautiful game,” but political tension is turning the 2010 World Cup into one big grudge match.
Take last week’s United States-England game. Against the grim background of BP’s deep-drilling dilemma, the encounter at the Royal Bafokeng stadium outside Rustenburg raised things to a new level. The New York Post wrote that filmmaker Spike Lee urged US team members to wear T-shirts that read, “BP Sucks.” As it turns out, a soft goal from Clint Dempsey slid amazingly through the butter fingers of England’s goalkeeper Robert Green, equalizing the match 1-1. While American fans cheered, as though reenacting 1776, the Brits scoffed, pointing out that one shouldn’t celebrate a tie. Burn.
Show Me The Kimchi
Then there’s the rather touchy subject of the Koreas. Qualifying for the World Cup finals for the first time since 1966, North Korea has fielded its most globalized team, including some Japanese-born players and one who plays in Russia.
Despite the hopeful tenor of this year’s squad, there seems to be a problem with live sports coverage in Kim Jong Il’s kimchi-filled kingdom: there isn’t any. The Supreme Leader has ordered state-run television not to broadcast live games, and to only screen highlights of North Korea’s victories. When scores don’t tip in their favor, footage will be heavily edited to ensure that they look like the better team. Yay, communism!
South Koreans, celebrating their 2-0 win over Greece by buying five times more condoms than during their lackluster 2006 World Cup performance, seem unfazed by the presence of their bitter enemies. It’s remarkable given the ongoing diplomatic strain over North Korea’s alleged sinking of a South Korean naval ship in March. These melodramatic sidelights add interest to an otherwise tedious event, but if you ask me, these countries should just relax and iron out their issues over a nice cup of tea and a round or two of Jenga.
Fairweather Fandom
As a child, like many in the ‘90s, I dutifully kicked my Sports Goofy soccer ball under a coach’s guidance in a groomed suburban park. But somewhere along the way, I lost interest — fortunately, not completely. I consider myself an independent thinker but I’ve learned that it’s okay to share in the euphoria of something — like the World Cup — once in a while.
On the eve of the first day of the 2010 tournament, Archbishop Desmond Tutu proudly stated, “We welcome you all. For Africa is the cradle of humanity, so we welcome you home.” As I watched the games unfold from this part of the world, with a giant bag of potato chips in one hand and a frosty beverage in the other, I did feel his sincerity and so I wished South Africa well.
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