MANILA, Philippines - The controversies over the accuracy of the election results continued this week, adding more circus characters to the fray. Koala boy started the crazy with his ridiculous looking mask. Then came the IT expert whose mind got blown by the super alien term “+8 GMT.” But top prize goes to lawyer Homobono Adaza, who surprised everyone by bringing in the original PCOSmatsing.
Unreliable sources from inside Smartmatic finally explain how the company works. “In our company, we don’t believe anything can alter the results of the elections. Not wrong clocks. Not unauthorized CFCards. Not overblown registered voters on record. Heck, not even actual votes can alter the result of the elections. Nothing.” Smartmatic has not been contacted for their comment.
CDR-King is proud to announce the opening of their new branch in Quezon City. This branch will be located right beside the canteen in Congress. Representative Susano was seen to be very excited at the thought of finally having a place to easily get a card reader.
Rumors are spreading in Batasan that lawmakers are planning to hold a special session to investigate this new concept known as “one document with two parts”. Experts are expected to be summoned to testify on this new anomaly.
It’s very interesting how patriotic politicians only care to report about the election scams they know of, after they lose in the elections. Maybe their sense of national duty is also on “Filipino Time”? By the way, PCOS machines as alarm clocks, not the best idea.
ERAP will be holding a press conference soon to announce that he has figured out the sum of +8 GMT. He adds that figuring it out was a matter of principle.
Congressman Diggs Dilangalen sent a private message to @PCOSmachine in response to the machine’s cryptic 00100 message to them. The note simply read: “Shut up”.
Malacañang has announced that they will turn over a booming economy to Noynoy. Also to be turned over is a pre-made letter of pardon which reads: “To whom it may concern: Please excuse the former President ...”
Congress has started the canvas of CoCs from overseas votes. It took them more than 15 minutes just to break the seal of one ballot box. Speaker Nograles promised that this whole process should be done well before the end of Noynoy’s term,
A rusty old bolt cutter was used to open the ballot box from Laos. It’s expected that an animal will be used to open the box from Turkey. Mr. Binay will open the box from Niger, while Mr. Morato will open the box from Uruguay.