Dear Nanay,
Last week, our daughter got married to her boyfriend and it was a wonderful wedding ceremony. It was wonderful until the speeches started and the father of the groom took the microphone and began his speech. He started talking and somewhere in the middle of the speech he said some not so nice things about my daughter. It was really not that bad but it was not so nice either. It sounded like he already had a little bit too much to drink and he thought he was making a joke but it was at the expense of our daughter.
We feel so bad for our daughter because we feel she was very embarrassed by the whole situation. Don’t you agree that such an incident in your own wedding is so embarrassing?
Now we want to confront the father and ask him why he did such a thing to my daughter. Our children love each other and are now married and will spend the rest of their lives together and this is what he does to her? How can he do that to her and to our family? I think we deserve an explanation! And he must make amends! — Missy
Dear Missy,
First of all, I have to agree with you that if the father of the groom says some things that may not have been appropriate during the reception, it can certainly be very embarrassing to your daughter and your family. Talagang maaaring nakakahiya sa mga bisita (It’s embarrassing for the guests). And I understand why you would be upset over what happened.
Perhaps the best solution you can consider is to just forgive him for what he did regardless of whether or not he apologizes. If he made a mistake in judgment, then so be it. Everyone knows that he was the one who made an error and he should feel more ashamed than you. So if you can move on, then that will be the best.
However, if you cannot just simply let it go, then this is what I would like to ask you. What do you want to hear from the father? What do you want him to say or do to make up for what he did? If you just want to hear him apologize, then perhaps that is the message you need to send to him. But if you want something more than an apology then maybe you also have to be clear about what you are expecting. Otherwise hindi matatapos ang gulo ninyo (this will never end). My suggestion is that you set your goal: exactly what is it that you want from him? When you have figured that out, then you can tell him or ask someone to be an intermediary.
Just remember, regardless of what you want to do or expect him to do, your attitude should not be one of revenge. It should be one of reconciliation and forgiveness. Remember that your children will still have the rest of their lives together and if your relationship with the in-laws is bitter, yung anak mo rin ang mahihirapan (it is your daughter who will syffer). So you need to look at this long-term and remember the fact that this relationship is just beginning. Mahaba pa iyan (the relationship is a long one).
Sincerely,
Nanay
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