Being older and wiser and "battle scarred, (moving can be compared to surviving a war), husband and I agreed to be ruthless. "Everything will go," I declared, and husband nodded, "You’re on."
One by one, each luggage was removed from the neatly stocked pile. "Oh my," I exclaimed. "This duffel bag still has a lot of life in it; this stays."
"What about this?" pointed husband, "It’s still new."
The movers looked right, then left, and finally looked up at the ceiling.
"This is not working," I said. My husband laughed, "Ruthless, ha?"
So we tried again. What do we let go?
Shoes. Although kept in their original boxes, humidity has made the heels crumble. I wore a pair of lace up shoes on a recent trip and at the pre-departure lounge, I felt the earth move because the floor was wobbling. Not only that, when I looked behind, I was leaving a trail of black and sticky pieces on the floor. Where did that come from? I leaned on a wall to check the sole of my shoes and there was a big hole staring back at me. The thick rubber sole had melted in storage.
Dresses worn at shindigs, jam sessions, barn dances and soirees that I attended with one or two gangmates.
My paternal Lolo Perfecto was celebrating his 81st birth anniversary and we inverted the numbers to make it his 18th. Men came in their smart tuxedos and the women in their fine "Alaskin" silk, organdy, chantilly and sequined lace. I wore a black French chiffon cocktail dress. When I danced with the young man I was steadily dating, the little black dress became a gossamer-like fantasie d’amour. But shucks, that was history. Only Thumbelina can fit into that dress now. Tomorrow, it’s off to "UK."
My friend Maurita was reminiscing with Katrina her daughter, "Tita Letty and I were in the same gang." "Gang?" Kat retorted with a tinge of hilarity "Wasn’t that word used only during the Prohibition Era for bootleggers and Al Capone and all the street toughies?"
"Yes," came Maurita’s reply. "But, we were not gangsters."
Cards and letters. But I kept old love letters, old passports and IMIM (I made it myself) cards from my children. The rest I donated to a friend who recycled them by cutting the front page and discarding the rest.
Magazines and journals. Again, I kept the issues that carried stories of epic importance or those that changed the world dramatically. Why? For my grandson to keep in his time capsule and be duly informed when the time comes. I hope my sense of hearing stays sharp so I can catch him say, "Wow."
I am still struggling with boxes of goods. It was easy to see how quickly we can accumulate stuff and just as easy to live with a few.
Through the dust, the debris and piles of boxes, a voice within me kept repeating, "Throw them away." Not only the material stuff but let go of people and things that could damage and destroy your essence or spirit.
"Jumping jelly beans," I exclaimed. "I must do that before I turn to Bruzilla (half witch/half gorilla)."
Let go of people who can’t treat you right, love you back or see your worth. A favorite niece who bakes and cooks is sifting her smooth friends from the lumpy ones. Luckily, I’ve now made enough friends to last me a lifetime. They are genuine people who did not walk away when circumstances changed or became dicey.
My son also caught on. He said, "Mom, I’ve realized that the people you meet in life have a purpose. Some were put there to test your mettle, some would use you, some would teach you, and some would bring out the better if not the best in you. They may cause you pain but one must learn to move on."
"That’s when you discover that your heart is not hollow," I replied. I’ve also learned not to ask my son why. When children reach a certain age, we can only offer advice (unsolicited mostly). In the end, they make the choice. Parents can only pray that they make the right choice (Ahhh, parent’s choice mostly).
Let go of past hurts and pains or someone who has angered you. In time, you will learn to forgive, but not forget? It’s called nagtatanim ng galit. When you nurture or cuddle anger, it will wear you down physically and drain you emotionally. It’s also bad chi.
One time a group of friends were talking about a villainous person who did many wrongs in the past. We looked at each other and exclaimed, "Wait a minute, why are we talking about that scum? We’re only making ourselves miserable while he remains unaffected. He’s not worth it."
If you are holding on to thoughts of evil and revenge, let go. The law of karma ought to ease your mind; but if you can’t wait, remind yourself that those who have done you wrong would feel more remorse if you "kill" them with kindness. Don’t have to keep their company. If someone mentions their name, wish them a good life but close the door firmly and permanently on them.
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction, let go. Whitney Houston is a talented singer but I refused to endorse her song entitled Saving All My love For You ("A few stolen moments is all that we have – though I try to resist being last on your list, no other man would do – cause I’m saving my love for you.")
Each person is unique and no one should be raised to play second fiddle or feel like a slightly used merchandise, segundo mano. Remember that famous line from Philadelphia, the highly spirited woman stood behind her embattled son and said, "I did not raise my child to sit at the back of the bus."
Each of us was given the gift of choice. No person or substance or ideology should be stronger than our self-worth.
Let go of a job that no longer meets your needs or talents. A job is a means to get closer to your goal. You should never feel obligated to remain or, worse, allow yourself to stay passive. Make it worth your while and learn as much as you can while employed. As long as you did your best, whatever reward, perks or commission you earned is no more than you deserve. Accept them with pride.
If you have a bad attitude, let go. Oscar, the Grouch, the Tasmanian Devil and Cruella Devil were cute villains in animation. You shouldn’t be one in real life.
Let go if you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. Look for the signs. A close kin tried to patch up with his wife for the sake of their only child. No matter how they tried, the cycle of abuse could not be stopped. Staying together was doing more harm to the child.
A children’s book I read illustrated it very well. The parents were traveling to one goal but one took the train and the other took an airplane. They would never arrive at the same time nor could they ever expect one to understand the viewpoint of the other.
I realize there are many things one should let go of. As I sat down to tear out old files, old stuff and old attitude, I felt like the froth in a glass of champagne. When it popped and fizzled, gone were the knots in my life.
May we always have a new beginning and keep faith that man’s basic goodness would tip the scale.
Release that grip and open our hands now.