It’s one of those times when we need to laugh again. The news brings nothing but negative headlines, gasoline prices are up, the peso is down, and life is getting to be more expensive than ever. Even water we have to buy, and at the rate things are going, we’d soon be buying air to breathe.
The only thing free now is laughter. Laughter is what Filipinos turn to for survival when times get rough – like we could not have survived those turbulent Erap years without the Erap jokes. The Philippine political scene is so pathetic and surreal, you don’t know whether to get mad, laugh or cry. Rather than fume or be depressed and miserable, laugh na lang tayo, but let’s not forget to solve the real issues. Here are a few funnies to lighten your day!
While being shown the President’s bedroom, Bush asked Clinton if he could use his bathroom and Clinton readily obliged. In Clinton’s private toilet, Bush was astonished to see a fancy solid gold urinal.
Later, Bush told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "That Bill Clinton has real class. Did you know that he has a gold urinal in his bathroom?"
During the scheduled lunch, Laura was making conversation with Hillary and she indicated to Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the gold urinal in the president’s private bathroom.
Finally, the tour for the Bushes ended with Bill and Hillary retiring to their bedroom. Upon entering their bathroom, Hillary let out a shriek.
"Bill, don’t get mad now. Someone pissed in your saxophone, and I think I know who it was!" — Forwarded by Onie Mayo
"I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But there is one condition. I am a politician’s genie. That means that for every wish you make, every politician in the world gets the wish as well – only double."
The man thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But every politician in the world has just received $20,000,000," the genie said.
"I’ve always wanted a Ferrari," the man said. "That’s my second wish."
Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But every politician in the world has just received two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is your last wish?"
"Well," said the man, "I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney..."
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said, ""Here lies a politician and an honest man.’" — Forwarded by Chito Frondoso
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "Just a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun, slightly perturbed, said, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Father: How?
Son: Di ako sakay jeep. Sabay na lang ako sa takbo nya.
Father: Bobo! Sana taxi sinabayan mo para mas malaki na-save mo!
Passenger: No, I’m Juan.
Steward: I mean, are you finished?
Passenger: No, I’m Filipino.
Steward: I mean, are you through?
Passenger: What do you think of me, false?
Mare 2: Para yun lang natataranta ka na? Eh, di gamitin mo yung duplicate. — Forwarded by Sam Santamaria
Jinggoy: Ha? Paano nangyari yun?
ERAP: Hina mo talaga. Pareho kaming anak ng jueteng! — Texted in by Edward Castañeda
The first couple asked, "We are honored, but why us?"
Cardinal Sin replied, "I want to die like Christ with two thieves by my side."