The Venusians welcomed the Martians with open arms. They had intuitively known that this day would come. Their hearts opened wide to a love they had never felt before. The love between the Venusians and Martians was magical. They delighted in being together, doing things together, and sharing together. Though from different worlds, they reveled in their differences. They spent months learning about each other, exploring and appreciating their different needs, preferences and behavior patterns. For years, they lived together in love and harmony.
Then they decided to fly to Earth. In the beginning everything was wonderful and beautiful. But the effects of Earth’s atmosphere took hold, and one morning everyone woke up with a peculiar kind of amnesia – selective amnesia! Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets and were supposed to be different. In one morning everything they had learned about their differences was erased from their memory. And since that day men and women have been in conflict.
Although almost everyone would agree that men and women are different, "how different" is still undefined for most people. Many books in the last 10 years have attempted to define these differences. Though important advances have been made, many books are one-sided and unfortunately reinforce mistrust and resentment toward the opposite sex. One sex is generally viewed as being victimized by the other. A definite guide was needed for understanding how healthy men and women are different. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by Dr. John Gray, PhD, reveals new strategies for reducing tension in relationships and creating more love by first recognizing in great detail how men and women are different. It then offers practical suggestions about how to reduce frustration and disappointment and to create happiness and intimacy. Relationships do not have to be such a struggle. Only when we do not understand one another is there tension, resentment or conflict.
So many people are frustrated in their relationships. They love their partners, but when there is tension they do not know what to do to make things better. Through understanding how completely different men and women are, they will learn new ways for successfully relating with, listening to, and supporting the opposite sex. They learn how to create the love they deserve.
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a manual for loving relationships for the potential couples. It reveals how men and women differ in all areas of their lives. Not only do men and women communicate differently but they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need and appreciate differently. They almost seem to be from different planets, speaking different languages and needing different nourishment. This expanded understanding of our differences helps resolve much of the frustration in dealing with and trying to understand the opposite sex. Misunderstandings can then be quickly dissipated or avoided. Incorrect expectations are easily corrected. When you remember that your partner is as different from you as someone from another planet, you can relax and cooperate with the differences instead of resisting or trying to change them.
Most important, throughout Dr. Gray’s book I have learned practical techniques for solving the problems that arise from our differences. His book is not just a theoretical analysis of psychological differences but also a practical manual on creating loving relationships.
The truth of these principles is self-evident and can be validated by your own experience as well as by common sense. The author’s examples are simple and he concisely expresses what both sexes have always intuitively known.
Men will respond to Dr. John Gray’s book saying, "This is exactly how I am. Have you been following me around? I no longer feel like something is wrong with me."
Women will respond too by saying, "Finally my husband listens to me. I don’t have to fight to be validated. When you explain our differences, my husband understands. Thank you!"
Certainly the journey of creating a loving relationship can be rocky at times. Problems are inevitable. But these problems either can be sources of resentment and rejection or can be opportunities for deepening intimacy and increasing love, caring and trust. The insights of the book are not a "quick fix" to eliminate all problems. Instead, they provide a new approach whereby relationships can successfully support an individual in solving life’s problems as they arise. This new awareness will bring individuals tools to get the love they deserve and give their partners the love and support they deserve.
The author made several generalizations about men and women in his book. I found some of his comments truer than others... after all, we are unique individuals with unique experiences. Dr. Gray had observed occasionally during his seminar that couples and individuals relate to the examples of men and women but in an opposite way. The man relates to Dr. Gray’s descriptions of women and the woman relates to Dr. Gray’s descriptions of men. He calls this role reversal. Several men have denied some of their masculine attributes in order to become more loving and nurturing. Likewise, many women have denied some of their feminine attributes in order to earn a living in a work force that rewards masculine attributes. If this is the case, then by applying the suggestions, strategies and techniques thought by the author, the reader not only will create more passion in his or her relationships but will also balance his or her masculine and feminine attributes.
The author did not directly address the question of why men and women are different. This is a complex question to which there are many answers, ranging from biological differences, parental influence, education, and birth order to cultural conditioning by society, the media and history.
Although the benefits of applying the insights of Dr. Gray’s book are immediate, his book does not replace the need for therapy and counseling for troubled relationships or survivors of a dysfunctional family. Even healthy individuals may need therapy or counseling at challenging times. I believe strongly in the powerful and gradual transformation that occurs in therapy, marriage counseling and 12-step recovery groups. If our past was dysfunctional, then even after years of therapy or attending recovery groups we still need a positive picture of healthy relationships. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus provides that vision. On the other hand, even if your past has been very loving and nurturing, times have changed, and a new approach to relationships between the sexes is still required. It is essential to learn new and healthy ways of relating and communicating.
It is never too late to increase the love in your life. You only need to learn a new way. Whether you are in therapy or not, if you want to have more fulfilling relationships with the opposite sex, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is the book for you. May you always grow in wisdom and in love. May the frequency of divorce decrease and the number of happy marriages increase. Our children deserve a better world.