‘Stop acting like a little boy being molested by an old woman’

DEAR EPPY,

I have a male friend who is 36 years old with two children.  His wife is beautiful, kind, and proper.  My friend is good-looking and our group of friends has noticed that both his parents-in-law accept him well.  I personally notice this especially with his mother-in-law.  In a way, I would say he is really accepted by his in-laws because he is so good.  However, no one in our group knows his “naughtiness.”

It was December 23 last year, during the get-together of our group, that he talked about his situation with his mother-in-law.  His mom- in-law turned 60 years old last Feb 14.  She has five children, and the wife of my friend is second to the youngest.  The father-in-law of his wife and mine are both abroad working.

My friend asked me, “... is it sex if there is no genital contact?”  My response was, “For me, it is, but it is incomplete.”  My friend continued by relating his story.  He claimed things started one time when he was driving for his mother-in-law.  On the way back home, his mother-in-law had stomach problems.  Alighting from the car, his in-law could not hold on anymore before reaching the toilet.  She urinated and soiled herself. 

 Carrying his in-law into the house, my friend asked permission to undress and wash her, which she allowed.  My friend became aware of the nakedness of his in-law and he liked what he saw.  After dressing her up, he brought her to the hospital.  She was confined for two days for diarrhea.

When my friend’s in-law was discharged, my friend visited her for the first time to see how she was.  After the pleasantries, his in-law asked him if her body and looks revealed her age.  My friend’s response was, “I had a hard-on when I saw you naked.”  His in-law then asked to be assisted to the bathroom.  She requested for him not to leave her alone in the bathroom.  That’s when things got out of hand.  They had oral sex. 

My friend was so bothered by what transpired.  He is asking if it is a sin to have done what he did.  He wanted to know if they were both insane.  I just asked my friend one question, “Did you like what you did?” His response was, “It was okay because I saw that my in-law was happy about the whole thing.”

Eppy, I wrote you because my friend is asking who he could talk to regarding this matter so he would know the appropriate course of action.  He wanted to know how it wouldn’t happen again.  I don’t know what to tell him.  For me, it sounds like incest.                           FRIENDS-IN-LAW

DEAR FRIENDS-IN-LAW,

In response to your referral of incest, if you were to refer to a dictionary, the actions of your friend do not seem to describe incest.  Referring to Merriam Webster in the Internet, incest is described as, “… sexual intercourse between persons so closely related that they are forbidden by law to marry.”  The words “closely related” refer to the genetic relationship.

With regard to the question whether the act was sexual or not, the mere fact that you refer to their interaction as oral “sex” tells you it is a sexual act.  Before I continue, I really need to say this.  I don’t think you’re referring to your friend.  I think your letter to me is about you.  First of all, you are a man.  Your description of this “friend” seems to have a certain fondness and pride on your part. 

How can you notice something about the mother-in-law unless you constantly see them together?  How often are you in their house anyway?  Shouldn’t your friends have as much exposure with your friend’s mother-in-law as you if it’s always a group get-together?   Is his mother-in-law always around when you have the group get-together?  Why don’t the other members of the group know that your friend is “naughty,” but you know it?  Are the other group members numbskulls while you’re Mr. Albert Einstein?  I don’t think so. 

Either you are a gay man talking about a friend who you are infatuated with, or you’re the man you are referring to.  I tend to think the latter because you write about the situation with so much detail that it’s eerie.  So, from here on, I will refer to your friend as you.

Going back to your relationship with your wife, what makes you stay in the marriage when you refer to yourself as naughty, then you make a move towards the mother of your wife?  To make it worse, you made it look like you’re a little boy who can’t do anything about his situation because he is being molested by an old woman.

In all this, what does this say about how you regard your wife?  Sure, the mother is a pathetic old seductress who wants to feel she is 16 years old again by having oral sex with a younger man.  I will agree that she may have a big problem.  But see, her daughter cannot choose her mother.  She is stuck with her mother whether she is a nymphomaniac or not.  What is your excuse?  Your wife chose you because she thought she could trust you. 

What should you do?  Grow up!  Make your choices and take responsibility for them.  Stop acting like a victim to an old woman.  If you can’t be loyal to your wife, then leave and go around having sex with older women who have diarrhea and can’t hold their urine before they get to the toilet.  This way, no one gets hurt because no one is expecting you to commit.               EPPY

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E-mail eppygochangco@gmail.com.