Prescription for a wife with a sexual problem

DEAR EPPY,

From a woman’s perspective, I can personally relate to your article published April 30, 2013 in The Philippine STAR.  Please let “Faithful Husband” know that his wife’s aberration in her organ might be related to hormonal changes due to menopause. 

I am in my late 50s now. For about eight to 10 years, coitus became torture because of intense pain and a burning sensation in my vagina.  It made me avoid any sexual contact. I would try to quell my husband’s advances, both consciously and unconsciously.  I lost the desire to look pretty.  

The specific treatments given by my longtime friend/gynecologist didn’t help at all. The vaginal creams and tablets were messy and provided minimal alleviation from the pain. I was told to try to have frequent sex, hoping to develop a callous covering on my vagina. The oral hormone tablets only made me feel very nauseous.

My husband and I thought that we just had to accept that “sex in older women” was never going to be pleasurable. But we got lucky. We had to relocate for our jobs. At the new location, I found a gynecologist who specialized in menopause.  He guaranteed me that sex would become pleasurable again.  He said that we may need sex counseling if the medications didn’t help. 

Within two weeks of the new treatment, sex became completely painless.  My appetite for sex increased and I tried to look my best to stay as attractive as when my husband and I were dating.  Of course, my husband and I love every opportunity we can get to have sex.  The experience fortified our married life and relationship.  My recommendation is not to give up looking for the right doctor.

Here is the treatment given to me:  a vaginal insert that’s good for three months called Femring, plus daily oral 0.05mg of Medroxyprogesterone tablet. 

By the way, I didn’t seek out counseling.

FORTUNATE TO FIND THE ANSWER

DEAR FORTUNATE TO FIND THE ANSWER,

I appreciate that you shared your experiences and the prescription given to you by your doctor.  I am not sure if your concerns are the same as the concerns of the wife of Faithful Husband.  There is a probability that her concerns may be different because Faithful Husband was not specific about the word “aberration” in reference to his wife’s problem.  However, I am sharing your letter with the other readers of STAR whose concerns may be the same as yours. 

For the benefit of other readers, let me summarize the letter you refer to: It is about Faithful Husband who refused to cheat on his wife even if there was difficulty in his sexual life with his wife due to the wife’s genital problem, which involved pain during sex.  Faithful Husband did not stray away.  To relieve himself of his sexual needs, he resorted to masturbation and watching pornography.  His wife stopped sexual activities altogether due to the pain she experienced in her vagina during sex. 

I am sharing your letter with the public because of the effectiveness of the medications prescribed to you and because you mentioned that you were “able to get a second opinion” that led to the effective prescription.  However, had you not relocated, chances are you would have not actively sought out a second opinion, especially so because your gynecologist is a friend.  Seeking out another doctor to get to a second was not an active choice.  Your cure was left to chance.  Therefore, as you mentioned, you were lucky. 

I have to impress on the public that when it comes to health, luck is not an option.  Second opinions are important because they can affect your life, budget, and your emotional state.  This is evident in the case of Faithful Husband.  The lives of both husband and wife changed.  They both isolated themselves.  Their emotional connection is not as good as it was.  The wife had to suffer pain when she didn’t have to. 

Roizen Michael and Mehmet Oz of Good Housekeeping (2006) agree with this.  They say that getting a second opinion should be done.  Michael insists that it could “.... save you a lot of trouble — and it could save you, period.”  He says research found that 30 percent of cases had a different diagnosis when a second opinion was asked.  From those cases, more than half were given a different treatment.  If you experience the following, Michael says you need a second opinion: You’ve been told that you need major surgery or have a very serious illness; your doctor is stumped by your condition; the treatment you are receiving isn’t working after a reasonable period of time; you’ve lost faith in your doctor or you’ve ceased to communicate well together; and, you’d like to try other approaches.

In another study by Timothy Craig Allen entitled “Second Opinions: Pathologists’ Preventive Medicine,” seeking advice was encouraged even between doctors and within the department to make sure doctors come up with a more accurate diagnosis.  Allen reports that in the last few years, studies show the benefits of second opinions.  Discrepancies were discovered in diagnoses of doctors handling the same cases. 

Apparently, it is a good practice to get a second opinion.  It doesn’t matter if your doctor has been a long-time friend or a long- time family doctor.  What is important is your health and life.  As Holt of Men’s Health puts it, if it’s “.... the head gasket of an ’04 Honda, you’d spit those words out without hesitation.  But when the diagnosis concerns your body, you may feel that the question breaches some sacred rule of doctor-patient decorum.” 

Why give more serious thought to a car but not to your health and life?  Act now, and you save your life. 

By the way, Mr. Faithful Husband, I have female readers writing me to say that they were so happy to know that there are men like you.  They are now hopeful about their future with a man. 

EPPY

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E-mail eppygochangco@gmail.com.