16 seconds! That’s how long my 15-year-old niece found out she would last in a fight against Chuck Norris after taking the on-line quiz in Facebook. She then innocently asked, “Who’s Chuck Norris?” I was flabbergasted! Well, my dear Dani, Chuck Norris is only just the baddest karate movie hero of all time. All these pretty-boy action stars of today don’t even have a tenth of the toughness (not to mention the amount of body hair) of Norris whose signature roundhouse kick is “the preferred method of execution in 16 states (in the US).” He can strike fear into the heart of anyone. In fact, “When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.” If you don’t believe what I’m saying, you can check out just exactly how rough he is by looking up all those “Chuck Norris Facts” on the Internet. “Just don’t Google search “Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked” because you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
One of Norris’ movies that I remember is the 1992 film Sidekicks. The story revolves around Barry Gabrewski, an asthmatic child who fantasizes about being Chuck Norris’ sidekick. Constantly bullied in school, he is taught martial arts by his teacher’s old Chinese uncle. Barry confronts his bullies in a martial arts tournament where he also gets to meet and fight alongside Chuck Norris. The film actually didn’t do very well at the box office, but I’m pretty sure that a lot of young kids were able to relate to Barry’s character. This is because of the fact that bullying is widespread in many schools and communities. Bullying is different from “horsing around,” rough play, or other forms of aggression like random one-on-one fisticuffs. Bullying usually has three characteristics. First, it’s not a fair fight. The one bullying has undue power advantages (age, size, ability, social status, etc.). Second, it is an intentional act. And third, the victim is constantly harassed over time. While most acts of bullying are physical in nature (pushing, hitting), it can also be verbal (name-calling, insulting) or indirect/emotional (spreading lies about someone, social exclusion). All three forms can be equally damaging. I remember one of my classmates who was severely bullied when we were in seventh grade. Not only was he verbally abused and ostracized on a regular basis, he even had to sometimes “pay off his debts” by receiving blows to his arm during recess. One of my childhood regrets is that I did not stand up for him.
For the longest time, bullying among children has been taken for granted. Some parents and teachers even considered it as a “normal” phase we all have to go through just like other rites of passage. Bullying, however, is now generally accepted as a serious problem. It can have lifelong psychological consequences not only to the victims but to the bullies themselves and even to the witnesses of bullying. Recent cases of school shootings in the US have also highlighted the serious and sometimes deadly consequences of bullying behavior. Although there have been fewer cases of school killings in Asian countries like the Philippines, this may be because victims over here would rather hurt themselves or commit suicide instead. On the other hand, the aggressive behavior of child bullies may be a predictor of future social problems with some psychologists saying that there is a clear link between bullying and criminal behavior in later life. In any event, researchers say that the problem has now worsened considerably. One study in the US reported that children, eight to 15 years old, now rank bullying as “more of a problem than discrimination, racism, or other forms of violence.” In the Philippines, a 2005 survey involving 58 public schools in the Visayas reported that, “…at least five out of 10 children in Grades 1 to 3 and seven of 10 in Grades 4 to 6 and six of 10 in high school experienced some kind of violence in school.”
Bullying, however, is a complex and difficult issue. It is not something that can be simplistically solved by teaching our kids to fight back like Chuck Norris (as perhaps most of us are quick to default to when we find out that our kids are being bullied). Aside from putting our children at more risk of getting hurt, fighting back has been proven to be generally ineffective in stopping bullying. So-called “Zero-Tolerance” programs in schools and purely punitive strategies such as expulsions have also only achieved limited success. According to psychologists Dr. Debra Pepler and Dr. Wendy Craig (Bullying, Interventions, and The Role of Adults), new research now looks at bullying more as a relationship problem rather than as a child’s difficulty in controlling aggression or, in the case of the victim, a child’s inability to stand up for himself. They write, “When viewed within a relationship context, those children who bully are learning how to use power and aggression to control and/or distress their peers. Meanwhile, children who are repeatedly victimized become trapped in abusive relationships that are increasingly difficult to escape. A relationship problem requires relationship solutions. The goal of interventions, then, is to enhance children’s interpersonal capacity in order to promote healthy relationships both in the present and throughout life … Adults need to provide extensive, dynamic, and ongoing support to youth to enable them to learn how to relate to others positively, be effective in achieving social goals, and use power in a positive manner.”
In other words, we parents need to, first and foremost, regularly show our children in actual practice how to properly relate to other people. Secondly, we need to work together with other parents, including those of bullies, and with teachers in dealing with the problem on a consistent and “moment-to-moment” basis. We need to work as a community to help kids who bully to learn positive leadership. We need to help children who are prone to bullying behavior to be more assertive and to develop better social skills. We also need to encourage children to reject apathy and to get involved. Kids need to understand that they have a social responsibility to do something when they witness bullying. Unfortunately, however, there are no fixed formulas or easy solutions. The details of how exactly we can do all these things is something that we will all have to figure out as parents and adults. Even if, I might add, you happened to be Chuck Norris.
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