No one has advanced a good theory explaining why teens are taking their own lives, but it’s important for everyone to be aware of the problem.
Maybe it is this instant gratification culture. Today’s teenagers grew up with fast food, the microwave, computers, Internet, cell phones and cable TV with remote control. All of which provide quick results, with no room for dealing with frustration. In fact, these gadgets were designed to eliminate waiting and frustration. In doing so, these gadgets have also eliminated patience and character building.
In this fast-paced life, there is also so much competition, pressure, and demands on the young adults’ shoulders to succeed or at the very least, do well. If the teens can’t cope, they turn to drugs. There are also more sophisticated drugs available – most of which are designed to make you extremely happy – or numb, again leaving no chance for them to feel and resolve growing pains and failures that teach life’s lessons.
Whatever it is, parents have to be aware of these precarious facts and keep in close touch with their children. A teen suicide is definitely never anyone’s fault, but it is in our best interest to prevent it from happening.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, scientific evidence has shown that almost all people who take their own lives have a diagnosable mental or substance abuse disorder, and the majority have more than one disorder. In other words, the feelings that often lead to suicide are highly treatable. That’s why it is imperative that we understand the symptoms of the disorders and the behaviors that often accompany thoughts of suicide. With more knowledge, we can often prevent the devastation of losing a loved one.
• Depression – Not often recognized in adolescents because it often seems to be that the child is simply angry or sullen or "going through a phase." If this lasts more than a week or so with no relief, and if there are other signs of depression – changes in appetite, activity level, sleep pattern; loss of interest in activities that normally give pleasure; social withdrawal; thoughts of death or punishment – it should be taken seriously.
• Substance abuse — Sometimes, teens try alcohol or other drugs to relieve depression. Unfortunately, the drugs themselves have a depressant effect, and lower inhibitions against self-injurious behavior. Some young people who have never expressed a suicidal thought have taken their own lives when they got drunk to ease the pain of a disappointment or loss. But they only felt worse while drunk, and committed a rash, impulsive act which they wouldn’t have done sober.
• Behavior problems – We tend to think of potential suicides as sensitive, shy people who are overwhelmed by life. We don’t see the cocky, obnoxious adolescent as potentially self-destructive, even though his behavior – continually getting in trouble, keeping the world at arm’s length – has exactly that effect.
• Stressors – Suicide in youth often occurs after the victim has gotten into some sort of trouble or has experienced a recent disappointment or rejection.
Some children who take their own lives are, indeed, the opposite of the rebellious teen. They are anxious, insecure kids who have a desperate desire to be liked, to fit in, to do well. Their expectations are so high that they demand too much of themselves, so are condemned to constant disappointment. A traumatic event, which can seem minor viewed from an adult perspective, is enough to push them over the edge into a severe depression. Being jilted, failing a test, getting into an accident – they have the sense that their life is a delicate balance, and one failure or disappointment seems to threaten the whole house of cards.
• Firearms — Having a firearm in the home greatly increases the risk of youth suicide. Sixty-four percent of suicide victims, 10-24 years old, use a firearm to complete the act. This makes the consequences of an impulsive act much more lethal. Surprisingly, even when a child has made one attempt, parents often fail to remove guns from the home. If you have a gun in your home, you are five times more likely to have a suicide in your house than a home without a gun. Cecille Quisquirin, a family counselor from the Capital City Alliance Church, Quezon City states that many parents often think that the teen will not repeat his/her suicide attempt. She warns that parents must not underestimate their teens’ condition after treatment or counseling.
I know of several mothers quitting their full-time jobs to stay home and help their teens navigate the difficult waters of adolescence. I have heard of mothers who are in and out of the hospital with their teens’ repeated attempts at suicide. As parents, I applaud their decision to be with their children when needed. To seek treatment, to rebuild self-esteem, to teach hope and faith and the importance of life, and to build character for their kids – this is where we parents want to be.
Parents are bound to have trouble understanding a depressed teen’s confusing signals. After all, who does not want to think of their child as happy and confident? But as parents, we must pay attention to serious depression and indications of suicide – and seek to initiate contact between a professional and your teen, if indeed, the threat is real. The risks are too great if we don’t.
• Talking about suicide (It is estimated that 80 percent of those who commit suicide mentioned wanting to commit suicide to a family member or friend.)
• Has trouble eating or sleeping
• Increases their use of alcohol or drugs
• Drastic changes in behavior
• Withdraws from friends or social activities
• Statements about hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness
• Preoccupation with death
• Has attempted suicide before
• Takes unnecessary risks
• Severe recent losses
• Suddenly happier, calmer
• Loss of interest in things one cares about such as hobbies, work, or school
• Visiting or calling people one cares about
• Making arrangements; setting one’s affairs in order such as a will and final arrangements.
• Giving prized possessions away
• Loses interest in their personal appearance
How to HELP
• Be straightforward. Talking about suicide does not mean you are encouraging them to do it.
• Be willing to listen. Accept their feelings; express yours; accept theirs.
• Be non-judgmental; don’t debate the right or wrong of suicide
• Be available; be involved.
• Don’t dare them to do it. Do not belittle their thoughts of suicide as a flaw in their character.
• As parents, don’t act shocked or angry or disappointed. It is not personal – they are not doing this to spite you. They are seeking a way out from what is seemingly real and tremendous pain for them.
• Don’t be sworn to secrecy; seek support.
• Offer hope that alternatives are available; don’t offer pat reassurance (like, "Don’t worry, it will pass. It is just in your head. Kaya mo yan!"). Remember, "What is true in the mind, is true." – John Nash (A Beautiful Mind).
• Take action; remove any means they may have to commit suicide such as guns or stockpiled pills.
• Get professional help from a private therapist or counselor, school counselor or psychologist. Or ask your family physician to refer you to a competent and warm psychiatrist.