Dear Maricel,
I’m a mother of two – a boy and a girl. Lately, I’ve been having problems with my son who is three years old. He is now showing temper tantrums, like biting, hitting and crying whenever he doesn’t get what he wants. I’ve tried talking to him whenever he does it, telling him it’s not good to do that. Although he nods when I tell him not to do it anymore, he seems to forget about it after a while. My in-law said I should spank him when he hits or bites, which I did but to no avail. I would really appreciate it if you could give me more advice on how to straighten his behavior.
Thank you and regards.
Sincerely yours,
Agnes
Time Out |
My kids are usually the victims of kids like your biting-hitting son. And believe me, I couldn’t do anything but to get my hurt kid and wish that the mom of the offender would do something to her child.
I had a nephew who used to be like that and I did the disciplining as the tita because my sister couldn’t do anything about her own child’s behavior. I read in Parent magazine that you have to pull out the hitting/biting child and put him in a "time-out" zone. This could be any- where safe in the house as long as it is away from the playmates. While there, you have to talk to him seriously that if he does that again, he will be put in that place again with no playmates. Keep him there for five to 10 minutes (checking him once in a while) but be firm with him.
Don’t worry about your son being too young because as early as nine months old, children are able to understand the consequences of their actions that is why they keep on throwing that spoon which you keep picking up.
Hope this helps.
Jayne
Warning: Galit Na Ako! |
Maybe I can share what my husband has read and what we have applied to our daughter (who used to bite) and son (who used to hit with his toys ) when they get angry. The article says it has something to do with the children wanting more attention. She can try talking to him and ask him what it is that he wants. Or she can probe what really triggers this kind of action. She should also encourage him to talk about how he feels. With our children, we now have warning signals if my son is about to throw something. He says, "Galit na si Lance, sige ka." That prompts us to talk to him and give him our undivided attention while he explains why he is angry. Same thing with our daughter who used to bite his brother or another kid in daycare. She’d say, "Si JaeJae galit na." The article says that sometimes they do it out of desperation because they do not know how to express themselves. And this also works now for me. If I, too, am about to blow my top, I give them this warning: "Malapit na magalit si Mama," and they usually stop and listen. At times, they’d approach me and ask, "Di ka na galit?" This also helped me to teach them to say, "I’m sorry." Of course, we, too, say "I’m sorry" if we are at fault ’coz they will surely remind you if you forget. My husband and I made a pact that as much as possible, we would avoid hitting our children. I am not saying that this is the solution to this mother’s problem but it worked for us.
Hope I was able to share something useful.
Debbi
Hello, ‘KSP’ Na Ko! |
I, too, am a mother of two, my eldest being a five-year-old girl and my second a two-month-old boy. I also encounter difficulty in parenting my daughter since my husband is in the US. I know I have to do something about it because I want my child to grow up a better person. I started by paying attention to what she was trying to tell me. Sometimes, it’s not so much because of not having much attention or kulang sa pansin. Sometimes, when she’s starting to get on my nerves, I put her in a time-out zone – it could be 10 to 15 minutes standing in the corner, depending on the degree of her tantrums. When we talk, we normally pray first. I pray with her and I let her hear my prayers that I hate to punish my little angel but I want her to grow up to be a good girl.
As with your other problem which is hitting, try to supervise what he’s watching – he may be exposed to too much violence. I restrict my child from watching TV. I only let her watch Cartoon Network, Disney Channel and Sesame Street. I will allow spanking when your kids hurt somebody but make sure you’re in control of your temper. Don’t spank your kids in anger. Disciplining our kids is a difficult job that needs patience, love and guidance from our Lord.
I hope my letter shed light on your problem.
Cristine
Just A Phase |
I read the letter of Agnes and here’s my two cents’ worth:
I, too, had the very same problem when my son was one-and-a-half years old. I was so ashamed of his behavior and I tried so hard to figure out what I was doing wrong. But when I asked my dad for help, he simply said, "It’s just a phase." And he was right.
My toddler outgrew it when I stopped paying too much attention to it. I know it’s a tall order but when push comes to shove and when all else fails, do not spank him using your hand. Hands are for nurturing. It would be better for you to roll up a few pieces of bond paper, but use it only as a threat. Hold it up as if you are going to spank him. It worked for my toddler, maybe it could work for you. – Liza
Prevention Is The Key |
About the temper tantrums of Agnes’ son: Prevention had always worked for me. By this time, maybe Agnes already knows what triggers these tantrums and therefore, she can distract her son’s attention before he goes all the way. My way of distracting a child is to say loudly and firmly without looking at the child but looking far away, "Ano ‘yon!" And when I get the child’s attention, I grab the child with an excited tone, "Halika! Tingnan natin!" This trick gives me the chance to separate the child from the object of his temper. But make sure you really have something to show like, "Ay, ants pala. Akala ko caterpillar!" He might start asking questions, and that will cool him down. Most children I have dealt with (mga anak at mga pamangkin) bought this trick. To Agnes’ son, it might work.
These are all phases which they will outgrow. God’s love will see us through.
Ruth
All Of The Above And Diet, Too |
I read in a book that children may behave that way as a form of expressing frustration and stress. It can also be a form of trying to catch the adults’ attention. Does the mother pay more attention to the daughter? It also depends on what the child sees in his environment. Do the other members of the household spank him? The temperament of the child comes into play as well. I do, however, discourage spanking as it will only serve to reinforce in the child’s mind that hitting is good.
I advise Agnes to keep repeating to her son to stop those forms of behavior. It will be a continuous process because he is just three years old. Don’t worry, he’ll catch on. But she’d better do it in a calm but firm voice. Children will always test your boundaries. Just don’t allow him to move the boundaries.
Also, I suggest a "time-out" corner for the child. I do this with my children. If they misbehave, I send the guilty one to his/her bedroom and leave him/her there for some quiet time and to let things calm down. Since they’re bigger now, I call it "grounding."
Check his diet as well. Refrain from giving children too much sugary foods. I suggest plenty of vegetables and fruits for them. A good diet will greatly help.
I hope this e-mail will help her.
Jett