As I am writing this, I am in deep pain. My son was buried a week ago. He was 19 when he died in a car accident. We were on our way to our province when all of a sudden we saw him swerve and bump another car head-on. We were following behind in another car and witnessed the accident. We brought him to a nearby hospital but he died in my arms.
My husband, our three children and I are still in a state of shock. He was the eldest child and our youngest son is only 10 years old. All of us were together when he died. Edward, that’s his name, was only one year short of graduating from university. Will we be able to get over his loss? How can I stop the pain? Why did God allow this to happen when he was still so young and had so many dreams yet to be fulfilled? - Kate
Dear Kate,
I sympathize with you deeply. When my husband died suddenly 34 years ago in France, I was left with an unconsolable sadness. My husband was only 36 years old and had a lot of promising positions ahead of him. Your son was only 19 and had not even begun to climb the ladder of achievement in life. I understand that no matter how deep one’s sorrow may be for losing a loving husband, the loss of a child for a parent is even deeper. There is no cure for sadness. But you should not blame God for the tragedy like most people do. Many people react to a tragedy like this by saying "Why me?" – then sobbing uncontrollably on a nearby shoulder.
But if you are a praying person, as I think you are, then you must pray God’s simple prayer for all of us – "Our Father." In this prayer, all our needs are covered. You pray "Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven." That line alone states that God should be given all rights to what is happening in our world. For everything under heaven there is a reason. We have to trust Him and lean not on our own understanding. I accepted my husband’s death with sadness, but I never blamed God. Now, after all these years, I think I understand why God had written our lives as it turned out to be. Someday, I am sure you will, too. I am just grateful that after 34 years of struggle God has made it possible for me to stand on my own, doing work that I love. I feel proud of myself for this and truly fulfilled.
Kate, hug your three children to your heart and thank God for them. They should be your major concern now. Never take them for granted and never spoil them either. There is no magic prayer to assuage your grief. Keeping busy always is a good solution because busy bodies lead to busy minds.
If possible, take all your children on a trip with your husband – up to Baguio or even to Boracay. There, under the sun, you may cleanse your grief away and accept all of God’s blessings.
Kate, continue to pray for your son and later you can even pray TO your son for help in times of trouble. He will become your ally throughout life. Believe that he is happy now in Heaven. How do you think he would feel looking down on you still grieving for him? - Tita Chits