The other day we heard that hipster band Death Cab For Cutie was coming to town. The band was hipper years ago, hip people will inform you, but they’re still so hip that, until very recently, their lead singer, Ben Gibbard was married to hipster actress/singer Zooey Deschanel. Now the two are getting divorced — no longer joined at the hip, so to speak.
So when we told a friend that Death Cab was coming here, he said he’d like to check out the band, but he probably wouldn’t... because he didn’t want to hang around the sort of hipsters who like the band.
This seemed a calculated gesture of cool on his part, which it should be pointed out is much different from hip. In a nutshell: hip declares itself to be hip, while cool declares that it just doesn’t care, baby.
I suggested that our friend could stand in the balcony at the Death Cab show and spit on the hipster crowd below, but even this seemed a bit too “punk” for this day and age. And way too much effort.
So back to hip. The term “hipster” has come to embody a lot of negative stereotypes and mental images, and most of the time, hipsters bring it upon themselves. After all, no one wants to admit they’re a hipster, but most hipsters secretly think that they’re hip.
What is a hipster? Someone who wants to be wearing a certain look, going to a certain club, eating at a certain restaurant, listening to a certain band, or reading a certain book before anyone else does. Once it becomes tweeted or blogged for a few weeks, it’s completely dead to the hipster. Then it’s out with a familiar phrase, one that begins: “Well, I used to like (fill in the blank with some erstwhile hip thing, such as Arcade Fire) before, but now…”
The hipster dreads anything mainstream the way Dracula dreads sunlight. Tragically, hipster-itis is a terminal condition.
How to spot a hipster? A few visual cues: retro polo shirts, but only when paired with a) checkered pants; b) hipster sunglasses; or c) a Trilby hat.
(Please note: a combination of all four will elevate you straight to “douche” status in a no time flat.)
Other “hipster” tip-offs: if the person is wearing large can-type headphones (or alternately, very expensive German or rapper-endorsed headphones), a collared shirt under a sporty sweater and color-tinted sunglasses, then they’re either DJ Shadow or a wannabe hipster.
Other signs: a) untucked checkered shirts recalling ‘80s indie band The Feelies; b) a floppy haircut with bangs that obscure one side of the face; c) a shoulder-sling bag (only on guys); d) attention-seeking shoes or boots.
Oh, wait, there’s more: e) hoodies, hoodies, hoodies; f) thick-framed fashion eyewear; g) noncommittal facial hair, such as goatees and “soul patches” on the chin.
All these, taken together, are easy markers of hipster-itis. But pity the hipster, for a moment. He takes a lot of crap for trying to fit in. No, he doesn’t want to just “fit in.” He wants to go beyond what other hipsters wear, without pushing the envelope too far into Avant-Garde Land. So he’s really in a cultural pickle.
We might search back in our memory banks (aided immeasurably these days by Google and YouTube) to trace the hipster to his prehistoric origins: people like Maynard G. Krebs, the beatnik character played by Bob Denver (before he became island castaway “Gilligan”) on the ‘60s TV show The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis. Krebs had all the early anthropological signs of hipster-itis, but it was only when we could observe his behavior from a safe distance — as ‘80s teens watching reruns of Dobie Gillis on TV’s Nick at Nite, say, or later on YouTube — that hipster status was conferred. Hipster status requires a bit of ironic distance, you see.
Other notable hipsters in popular culture are Kramer from Seinfeld — with his bowling shirts, tossed-salad hair and golf pants — though character Elaine Bennis was quick to issue this caveat: “He’s a hipster doofus.” Yes, one can be a doofus and still maintain hipster status. In fact, these days, it’s almost mandatory.
Or take Travis Bickle from Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver. In one scene Travis (Robert De Niro) meets up with Sport, a pimp played by Harvey Keitel. Travis has a crewcut, a checkered cowboy shirt, skinny jeans, cowboy boots and sunglasses. In today’s climate, he might have been a hipster. But back in 1976, he just looked like a rube. Sport smells a setup: “See you later, copper.” Travis turns to him, puzzled: “I’m no cop.” “Well, if you are, it’s entrapment already.” Travis stares back at Sport: “I’m hip.” Sport shakes his head: “Buddy, you don’t look hip.” But then again, Travis was way ahead of the curve on mohawks and vigilante violence, so who says he wasn’t a trendsetter in his own way?
Funnily enough, pop culture loves to skewer hipsters, while leaving other minority groups alone. The self-consciously “cool” are given a pass; punks are given a pass; nerds are now considered cool, so they’re off the hook. But if you wear V-neck T-shirts in public, you’re a social douche-up. Somehow, it seems a little unfair.
And the definition of hipster is notoriously slippery. Anyone can get tarred with the “hipster” brush nowadays. The “look” changes all the time. It turns out, in fact, that people now take sport in labeling any fashion accessory that they find annoying as “hipster” fashion. (Hey, I’m guilty of this, too.)
So we might ask ourselves: Why do hipsters take such a beatdown from critics? Why do people tweet about hipster offenses faster than you can say “Chloe Sevigny”? It could just be that hipsters are the last minority group out there that it’s socially acceptable to hate. So it appears they do have a valid social function, after all.
A guide to ‘What is Hipster’
Hipster font: Futura. ‘Cause Wes Anderson uses it in all his movies. So did Kubrick. So, there.
Hipster diet: Fro-yo and designer burgers. Many hipsters are into meatless things, though, and will gladly quote to you from Jonathan Safran Foer’s Eating Animals.
Hipster domicile: Boutique hotel. Not everyone can live in Chateau Marmont or Chelsea Hotel. Thankfully, people continue to transform fleabag joints into boutique hotels with “hip” lighting and theme lobbies every single day. Where hipsters go to blend in successfully.
Hipster movie format: Criterion Collection DVDs. ‘Cause of the extras, yo.
Hipster shoes: Chuck Taylors. Check it out, they go great with skinny jeans.
Hipster music festival: Coachella. Got my tickets online, yo.
Hipster bands: Um, you wouldn’t have heard of them... Sorry.