If only life could be so easy. If only we all had that ease-of-use Steve Jobs has thoughtfully inscribed into what some folks are calling the gadget of the century.
We need a "Pause" button, people. Desperately. We all need that ability to take a break from what we’re doing. To stop the noise and chaos that’s swirling around our heads. To stop people just as they’re about to open their mouths – or better yet, when their finger is raised, mid-request.
Conversely, we need a "Play" button. Not just the one that necessarily follows after hitting the "snooze" button on our alarm clocks. Something that helps us truly understand the meaning of "play" in our daily lives: to set the thing in motion, and to marvel at that motion, rather than simply being borne along. It’s time for us to "Play."
The iPod also allows us to instantly retrieve songs, artists or album names, just by turning the dial. I, myself, would kill for that kind of instant recall in life, especially when I bump into yet another person whose name has, sadly, ended up in the deleted trashcan of my memory bank. Having such nice, cross-referenced cues available at the spin of your thumb would save us all a lot of blank gazes at parties and events.
While we’re at it, it would be nice to be able to section off our lives into little categories: custom-made lists that make perfect sense, depending on the context or our current interests. Mine would include things like "Good Books," "Decent Movies of 2006 (a very, very short list)," "Favorite Film Dialogue," "Best Moments in Love," "Best Laughs" and "Best Excuses."
Then again, it would also be nice to have a "Random" function hard-wired into us: something that would allow us to delve freely and instantly into whatever moment or experience happens to pop up on life’s roulette wheel; something that would teach us to understand that the only moment that matters is not in the past, not in the future, but right here, right now.
A rechargeable battery would also come in handy. I say this as I type out the week’s column, a little short on spark and dazzle as Christmas circles its way around the corner. Something with a single charge that lasts more than 14 hours, please.
And Steve, while you’re at it, the folks over at Apple Design might want to think about coming up with some life models that are a little more portable. While our physical masses keep on expanding, your gadgets just get tinier and easier to lose. How about shrinking us down to a more manageable size, while you’re out there being outrageously great?
Form is one thing, but function is where our lives could really use a rethink. Some sound engineering. A bit of versatility and sleek operation.
Memories should be available to us in neat little folders or happy little spreadsheets, including size, date added, "Last Played" (for those experiencing déjà vu) and genre. Though I don’t consider myself a compulsive organizer, it just seems like life would be a little bit better if, well, we were a little bit more like the world’s coolest machines.
And let’s not forget about that wonderful Apple service. Shouldn’t we receive the level of attention that busted iPods get? The only disadvantage to the century’s coolest gadget is that these little suckers break down easily. Call it planned obsolescence, but few people seem to hang to an iPod for more than two years. They’re either upgrading, or dealing with a terminal iMeltdown. You got a problem with your iPod? As long as you’re still under warranty, no problem! They just chuck the old one out and unwrap a new one… minus all your perfectly organized memories, music and images, of course.
Hmm… Maybe I have to rethink that one.
Not to suggest anything sinister or doomsday-apocalypto about any of this. I don’t think we should be able to download things directly into our lives, for instance; we download enough crap through our ordinary senses as it is. Nor do I think humans should be replaceable, though some could use some periodic maintenance.
Nor do I think we should shut off the outside world by wrapping ourselves in ear buds. Hey, I like the iPod, but I don’t want to live in one.
A long time ago, over a decade, I had a dream that someone had invented a laptop that could replicate your home environment, wherever you were. Even up in the clouds, on an international flight, you could check out the inside of your home, do a security check, select movies or books from your simulated home shelves to watch or read, right there on the computer. Turns out that Steve Jobs was working on a similar vision all along. The iPod is probably just the beginning.
But don’t worry. No matter how closely we become welded to our machines, I have a feeling that total control will always remain elusive to us. There will always be a bug in the human system, something unpredictable that resists perfect systematization.
We’re just not designed that way, thank God.