They say actors are sensitive people. They are, for the most part, also very intense and emotional, which is what helps them get into the characters they play.
JM de Guzman knows how this feels. More than once, he’s been called out for wearing his heart on his sleeve, or saying things that catch people by surprise, which is what happened during that Kris TV interview where he openly declared his love for Jessy Mendiola. This caused their friendship to become strained for a while, but they’re okay now. Lately, though, the two of them haven’t really had time to connect as they are both busy — JM with his projects Angelito: Ang Bagong Yugto, and two movies: The Strangers (a Quantum Films project, distributed by Star Cinema, intended for the Metro Manila Film Festival) and the Pedro Calungsod biopic, which is about to start shooting. Jessy, on the other hand, has Precious Hearts Romances Presents: Paraiso, where she is paired with Matteo Guidicelli.
But JM is not complaining. He’s happy for Jessy, and he’s been getting some very good breaks himself.“Ganoon talaga,” he says. “Ginusto ko ito. Hindi man siya ganoon kadali, kailangan mo pa rin ihanda ang sarili mo ng buong-buo.”
He’s aware that not everyone realizes what celebrities like himself have to give up to be in show business. It’s a difficult life, and there are a lot of trade-offs. “Hindi nila alam ang pinagdadaanan ng artista. Di lang kami nag-co-collect ng pera. Pinaghihirapan din talaga. Ang daming mga sacrifices — time sa family, time sa sarili.”
After that incident, JM has become more circumspect with his feelings, and isn’t quite as voluble as he used to be. Instead, when there are things he feels like saying, he turns to writing. To those who may not know, JM comes from a family of writers. His father Ronniel and his grandfather Cornelio, are both journalists. When JM was younger, he was into writing. He would commit lines of songs and poetry to notebooks that he kept for two years. “Ang sinusulat ko, mga kanta, mga poetry, tungkol sa love,” he says. “Meron akong mga notebooks na puro poetry, pero yung iba nawala eh. May time na for two years, sobra akong ganado magsulat, tapos two years, mawawala, eh ngayon, nagsisimula na naman.”
He gets into the habit of writing when he is going through something, or — as they say in Tagalog — “may pinagdadaanan.” Recently, he picked up the habit again. People are quick to conclude that the reason he’s doing it has something to do with his feelings for Jessy. Without necessarily admitting anything, he says: “Oo, siguro po. May mga kailangan kang ilabas sa puso mo na di mo puwedeng ilabas sa trabaho at di mo din puwedeng sabihin kahit kanino because it’s too personal, and it’s too sensitive an issue, na kailangan, i-deal mo lang sa sarili mo, at sa paraan na tahimik, yung walang madadamay.”
Of course, it doesn’t always have to be that way. What’s important is that you write down your feelings at the time that you feel like doing so, or when you’re broken and feel like you need an outlet. In JM’s case, he does it during moments that he is at his most vulnerable and sensitive. “You’ll feel it,” he declares. “Di naman kailangan na laging may pinagdadaanan, siguro, ako lang ‘yung klase ng tao na gusto ko, focused. Ganoon lang talaga ako.”
On the subject of Jessy, he has apparently learned his lesson and now chooses his words carefully. But that doesn’t stop him from saying how he feels. “Hindi siya mawawala sa puso ko,” he says. “Hindi ko man na-e-express ngayon dahil busy kami pareho, for me, iba talaga siya. Siya yung babae na papakasalan ko.”
The declaration takes our breath away. “Nakita ko siya na kahit ano ang ayos: Kulot, may time na sobrang payat, mataba, umitim, sunog ang balat, puro sugat, stressed, malaki ang eyebags, pero di nagbabago ang ganda niya sa akin. Yung attraction ko sa kanya, nandoon pa rin.”
Not everyone may agree with his decision to show so much emotion so openly, but for JM, it’s when people aren’t honest with their feelings that the trouble starts. He’d rather be this way than not say anything at all. “Tayo kasi ngayon, masyado tayong overprotective sa puso natin. We are controlled by our egos and our minds, and that leads us to fears and worries, and we are pulled back, at di natin masabi kung ano talaga yung gusto nating sabihin, yung nasa loob natin. It’s hard to say ‘I love you’ nowadays. Parang nawala na ang mga araw na haharanahin mo ang babae, na kapag Valentine’s Day masarap ang pakiramdam, excited ka dahil sa pagmamahal. Ngayon, kinatatakutan na siya kasi masakit. Dapat kung magmamahal tayo, buong-buo.”
And this love exhortation comes from a quiet young man whose eyes speak more eloquently than his mouth.