Rightly so because she was invited to talk about "Managing Time Between Work and Family," a subject which Sherilyn believes she’s an expert on.
"It was my first time ever to be an inspirational speaker," said Sherilyn, married to Cebuano basketball player Chris Tan by whom she has a son, Quirsten, three years old (he’s in the Nestle commercial with Tweety de Leon and in the Absolut Water commercial; and has just wrapped up the shoot of another one for a cologne). Her older son, Paoie, by ex-husband Jun Santiago (brother of Randy, Rowell and Raymart), is seven years old.
"I really did my homework," added Sherilyn, "and I was happy that, in my own little way, I was able to touch a lot of people, mostly wives and moms like me, in the audience impressed by my ‘expertise’ (their own word)."
Sherilyn furnished Funfare a copy of her speech, which Chris called The Real Stepford Woman.
Here are condensed excerpts:
• On Paoie
"I was over-protective of him because he’s my first child; I didn’t want to leave him alone because I didn’t want him to get hurt. I realized that, as a result, he was scared to try things. When Paoie was three years old, Chris taught him how to swim. It ripped my heart seeing him cry as he struggled in the water. Awang-awa ako sa kanya! But after only a few sessions, Paoie began to build self-confidence. He now swims like a fish! That’s good because he’s asthmatic. He’s now into other sports, like wall-climbing and ice-skating."
• Lesson One: Don’t try to change your husband
"During our early adjustment period, I used to pray to God to change Chris. We used to argue over petty things. Then, a friend gave me a book called Power of a Praying Wife and from it, I learned that before you try to change your husband, you have to look at yourself first and find out if you yourself have to change."
• Lesson Two: Don’t leave any issue unresolved
"Like some wives, I can be a nagger – you know, di tumitigil sa katatalak especially during an argument. It’s okay to argue but in a way that you and your husband try to resolve conflicts and not find fault in each other. If you can’t say some things face-to-face, text him, e-mail him, do everything so as not to leave any issue unresolved. According to direk Leo Martinez, ‘To stay young, you should be able to always express what you feel.’ But we should do so using not offensive language."
• Lesson Three: Face trials together, with hope in your hearts and not with fear
"Chris and I have been together for five years. When I was pregnant with Quirsten, I had to stop working so Chris had to pay for everything: the condo rental, the amortizations for our two cars, etc. We went through hard times but we moved on with faith in our hearts. We prayed and prayed, sometimes falling asleep in adoration chapels. Because of prayers, we won five-digit-numbers in the lotto for two consecutive months. We really practised our vows: In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer... Soon after giving birth, I got a job at GMA, just what I was praying for."
• Lesson Four: Don’t spoil your kids
"We let our kids do things themselves, teach them to take care of themselves. Quirsten prefers to do it himself than being dressed up by somebody else. How to handle tantrums? Kids usually cry to force you to buy them toys; they use tears as a weapon. We’ve trained our kids not to be like that. Toys are given to them as rewards and expensive ones are given to them during special occasions like their birthday or Christmas. Sometimes, we surprise them with toys. We can enter a toy store without them crying to force us to buy some. When we tell them, ‘Next time,’ they simply smile and say, ‘Okay.’ Sometimes, we encourage them to save so they can buy the toys that they want."
• Lesson Five: Be your husband’s "mistress"
"As partners, husbands and wives should be open to each other; they should be comfortable with each other especially during their private moments. A wife shouldn’t be shy or afraid to tell her husband – and vice versa – what pleases and satisfies her. Experiment. Be adventurous. Enjoy each other’s company. Be your husband’s ‘mistress’ so he won’t look for one. Try to please him as hard as he tries to please you."
During the open forum, somebody asked Chris, "Sherilyn said that she has a strong personality. How did you ‘tame’ her?"
"The key to our relationship, besides our intense love for each other, is acceptance," said Chris. "You must accept your espouse for what she is. Pareho kaming maraming tinanggap at nilunok. We have learned to accept each other’s shortcomings; we never questioned each other’s past. Mutual understanding is vital in a relationship. If one has a temper, the other should be cool; they should sirt down and talk only when both of them are sober. Dapat walang pride na umiiral. Life is short and not a minute should be wasted."
(Note: These excerpts don’t tell the whole story. Sherilyn prepared such an interesting, detailed speech that could be expanded into a how-to book, especially her and Chris’ bedroom activity. Reads like a chapter from a Xaviera Hollander memoir! I’m not kidding!)
• July 10 (Monday),12 (Wednesday), 17 (Monday), 21 (Friday) and 24 (Monday), 1 to 5 p.m. at the Coming Home Retreat and Meditation Center, Binakayan, Cavite.
(For further inquiries, call 046-434-8759 or 046-878-0069, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on weekdays, look for Philip.)