Small talk

As a young child, I used to be painfully shy. Although my relatives might disagree. I had no trouble performing in front of people like my weird dance steps ( I shudder at the thought!) or the new poem I had learned in school. But I wouldn't really talk to people. I only really talked to my sisters but even then that was to fight with them. And I didn't' really talk to my cousins either…I sort of followed their orders. So that left me and my imaginary friends whom I could boss around anytime and the helpers and staff when they weren't busy. I must have been a strange child.

That changed when I finally got to school. I learned to make friends but now I don't remember how. I just did. When I transferred to high school, it was easy to make friends because when someone is a new student people are more willing to get to know them. But college was another matter.

I actually remember college. When I started college I knew no one. Not one person in any of my classes. And that was when I forced myself to learn the art of small talk. I learned how to pick safe topics like old schools and favorite movies. I learned how to nod my head and feign interest. I learned to ask questions and to make people more comfortable. At the end of that first two weeks, I was exhausted. But it paid off. I was able to find a new set of friends, some of whom I still keep in contact with until now.

Small talk is a skill. Something that people can learn, although some people are more naturally inclined than others. My sisters are much better than I am. So when they're around I retreat into my "anti-social" mood and let them do the talking.I just insert my necessary one-liners and so I am not so exhausted and do not seem so socially challenged. A friend of mine is good at it too and so I would rather meet new people when she's around.

But when I am alone, I can small talk with the best of them. So I've learned a thing or two from chatty taxi drivers and friendly salespeople. I've heard life stories of people on airplanes. I've heard love stories of complete strangers and the emotional crisis of others. I have learned that people are more likely to share their life stories with a stranger because there is less judgment and fewer criticisms involved. Because no matter what country we're in or how different our cultures are, there will always be a desire to connect with another human being. And talking is just one more way of making sense out of all the crazy thoughts that run in our minds even if those ideas are inserted somewhere between safe topics such as the weather and the current political issue. So I do not mind small talk so much anymore even if I still get anxious at parties with a new crowd every once in a while. Sometimes, at the end of a very long conversation, I find that even if a talked much I really never said anything at all. Because I have learned that if I listen well enough, small talk really isn't small at all.