Simple attraction and the desire to earn the favor of the beloved is not and can never be love in and by itself. The bursting of emotions at this phase is perhaps only to incite curiosity for the parties involved to want to know further the truths about their feelings for each other. The possibilities of and need for growth beyond this beautiful initial stimulation are vast.
Many false emotions can mislead people. For instance: sexual desire aroused by physical beauty or perhaps sheer carnal energy. There is a distinction between physical attraction and deep affection. If there's nothing more pulling the parties towards each other than physical appearance, when the outward beauty fades the attraction also dies.
Another false emotion is the need for another person to produce the kind of life conditions one could not make on her or his own. It may be that the wife is the daughter of a poorly paid worker; hence, she takes a husband who can make more money and so to be like the man she wanted her father to be. Other misleading emotions include the compulsive desire to feel needed, a man's wish for a woman to pamper him, or a woman's fear of ending up being an old maid.
When love is real, man and woman think more of the relationship than they do of their own selves. There is an interweaving of individual interests and a willingness to sacrifice together for the sake of them both. The couple's feeling of security and contentment comes only from their mutual efforts. A partner can only expect from the relationship what he or she is willing to bring into it.
How honestly a person can express his real self to another determines his actual capacity to love. A man who can speak straight to his woman, letting her know what is actually in his mind, without fear of misunderstanding or any form of reprisal, is capable of loving her deeply. An honest man can tell his wife: "Honey, I understand how you were feeling when you pulled me out from the office party. But I was embarrassed before my coworkers, and it might take sometime before I can really face them again."
The man may decide not to tell his wife anything like that, in order not cause her any feelings of discomfort. But if his reason for not telling her is a fear that she may take it against him, then this couple is not producing together the kind of environment in which each can be his or her real self. Their union is not standing on solid ground.
Sometimes one may think that he is in love because of the way another person makes him feel. But two mutually infatuated people can want each other so desperately, without love, and without sensing the emotional falsehoods that they put up for each other. Neither of them realizes that what they're celebrating is nothing but cheap reassurance. What seems to be love is but naïve ego trip in being treated as if one were truly special.
In a healthy relationship, each partner may pursue individual interests. It often takes time for young lovers to discover that simply doing everything together is mere sentimentality and not true love. There is much more to love than just physical proximity or sharing the same interests.
Among many couples, if the man likes basketball and the woman does not, he gives up basketball. If she likes theater and he does not, she gives up the art. They try to make a world all their own, small enough for one to be able to always keep watch on the other, leaving no space for them to drift apart. In so doing, the couple narrow their lives, invite boredom and may soon be actually drifting apart. Soon the perfect compatibility they worked so hard for is gone.
But with two people truly in love, differences are not a hindrance to a solid relationship. Disagreements, dissenting views and opinions are not the same thing as loss of emotional unity. Dissimilarities in personal traits do not weaken the union but, instead, enrich it. What matters most is that each partner senses and likes the other person, and want to cherish that person for what he or she is. True love sees faults as well as virtues, freely embracing the fact that no one is perfect.
To think that in love there are no things to be given up for each other is to suppose that love costs nothing. The truth is: Love needs constant nurturing and dedication and patience and firm commitment from the parties involved.
Real love grows as the years go by. A fake feeling fades away in much sooner time.
E-mail: modequillo@hotmail.com