Drug addiction: How do we deal with this?

Addiction is an illness not a moral issue. It is a two-fold disease. A physical allergy coupled with an obsession of the mind. It can be arrested, but never cured. For only when the drug use is stopped is recovery then possible. No one, not even the doctor, nor the clergy, nor the family can do this for him or her. But we can learn new behaviors and attitudes, which will help bring about the drug abuser's desire and will for change and recovery. We have found that compulsive use of drugs does not indicate lack of affection for the family. It is not a matter of love, but of illness. The addict has lost the power of choice and control in the matter of drugs. Even when he knows what will happen when he tastes the first drink, pill, or fix, he will do so. Once the drug use has been initiated after the obsessive thinking about drug use, the compulsion to continue taking more, and more, kicks in. This is the "insanity" we speak of, with regards to this illness.

The sad part here is that, because we love the person who has a problem with drug use/abuse we try to rescue them from their problems in their life with the hope that they will see the light and change. We want to believe that maybe, just maybe this time things will be different. What we did not know is that we were enabling our drug abuser to continue with their drug use as they never had to face any consequences for their decision to abuse drugs.

So that we do not enable the drug use of our loved ones and hopefully prevent it from getting worse we must learn to:

1.Stop rescuing them and let them exercise the consequences of their actions.

We should stop paying off the loans or debts of the drug abuser. We should not redeem items he/she has pawned.

We should refrain from making excuses for them at work, or at school. We should not blame their friends for the drug use of our loved one because it was done on their own decision and/or choice. Yes, family members and other concerned persons do all these things because they love the person they are concerned about. But let me tell you. During my active addictions days I constantly said to myself because of my family's enabling me "I might as well keep on pawning things, borrowing money, be absent from work and continue using drugs, anyways my parents will always cover up for me and just blame others."

2.Tell them how you feel about their drug and/or alcohol use, and their behavior. Have you ever told the person you are concerned for exactly how you feel about their behavior? Perhaps you should. That means sitting down together and sharing exactly what it is like for you. It would be good for you to share these feelings and it would be good for the one you're concerned about to hear you. Tell them how you feel when you see them intoxicated. Tell them how they're using affects your life and happiness.

3. Set boundaries to protect yourselves and will encourage them to seek help.

To a partner: I can't live with your drug use and behavior anymore. Unless you get help. I'll have to leave you and stay away until you straighten out your life.

To an adult: I don't need this, I've done my best for you. Unless you get some help and stop using drugs you'll have to leave my home. Drug use is not an option in our home.

To a minor: You're behaving dangerously, I'll not allow you to go out until you agree to get help or change in your attitudes and behaviors.

To a parent: Look, your behavior is crazy. Unless you get help, I'll tell someone at school.

To a friend: I don't enjoy your company anymore. I can't see you anymore unless you get help and stop using drugs.

And we keep our commitment! We must for their sake, and yours.

Remember, a problem drug/alcohol abuser will only stop when carrying on using is more painful than stopping and they are forced to face the consequences of their decision and choice to use and abuse drugs. The addict/alcoholic needs to learn to be responsible for his/her own choices and behaviors in their lives. They need to learn to live in a healthy manner, with their own recovery program coming first above all else. They need to realize that they will not be able to take care of anyone else if they have not learned to take care of themselves.

These may all be realized through:

1.Learning to be honest to themselves, about themselves, that they have a problem and cannot take care of it alone.

2.Learning openness so that faith and trust in someone or something more powerful than themselves to help them recover is developed.

3.Learning to be willing to try new ideas and ways of living that had helped others recover from drug addition and alcoholism.

4.Learning to work their recovery program on a daily basis for the rest of their lives, one day at a time.

When we fully understand and accept that addiction is a disease, that it is both mental and physical, and that we are powerless over it, we become ready to learn a better way to live. For more information, you may contact us at Recovery House tel no. 32-2315229 or 32-234-0355 or 0918-9379851. Or visit us at Recovery House, Sanson Road Ext., Lahug Cebu City.