I am now into a relationship with a widow who happens to be my brother-in-law. His family can’t accept the situation, especially now that we have a daughter. At first, my family didn’t approve of the affair, but somehow they did after I gave birth. Now we’ve finally decided to get married. What do you think of my situation? By the way, he had three kids with my deceased sister, and I have a kid of my own too. Should we get married or continue living in? Will our relationship prosper?
Mary Kriz Of Merida
I guess one of the first things I should be asking you is how long the two of you have been an item. If something was going on while your sister was still alive, then it would probably be in fairly bad taste to be together with him straight after her death, and I could understand why your families would be less than pleased if there wasn’t a respectable period of mourning before you moved into her shoes. Common courtesy dictates that some time should be given for the whole family to grieve before springing a surprise like this one on everyone.
I’m hoping that you did wait a while before getting together, but it still makes me wonder how long the two of you have been attracted to each other. When did it change from friendly family contact to romantic? Could it have been the grieving over your mutual loss of your sister that drew you closer together? If so, then it is understandable that you both needed some comfort and support. What you need to figure out is how much of the attraction is real, and how much is caused by the sad situation of your sister’s passing.
What is it that really attracted you to each other? Perhaps he sees an image of his former wife in you, or at least subconsciously thinks that the best way of keeping her spirit alive is through you, her sister, the same flesh and blood (You don’t happen to be twins, do you? That would be just a bit too obvious). And what about your attraction? Has he always been the desirable brother-in-law that you couldn’t have? Or have you ever felt like you played second fiddle to your sister in some way, and this is your way of proving that you’re as good as she is? I don’t mean to sound cruel, but I want you to look at your situation objectively as it may save a lot of pain in the future if your recognize any dishonest reasons for being together. I hope that any two people who truly love each other will live happily ever after, no matter how they met or who they have loved in the past.
Of course, there are some advantages to a coupling such as yours, especially if the kids are all still quite young. It can be very difficult for them to cope without a mother figure around at a young age, and yet they will often have a hard time accepting a strange new woman coming into their life. They could even be resentful of her and reject her out of loyalty to their mother. This can be trying not only on the new wife/girlfriend, but also the father. Your advantage here, of course, is that these kids have grown up knowing that you are tita; part of the family, and almost as close as their own mother. By default, if their mother is not around, you would likely be the closest mother figure to them. Similarly, your child and their children are probably already playmates, and it’s a shorter stretch of the imagination to jump from being cousins to being siblings compared to if they were strangers.
To further cement the family atmosphere, you now have a daughter together, who is related to everyone in the family directly (a blood relative of all kids and parents). It is not a usual union, and it may take a while for both families to finally come around, but as long as you are both truly in love, and not just in shock/rebound mode, then I think they’ll eventually accept you. Just keep each other happy, and make sure the children are as happy as possible too. Also, even though you may be the new mom to your sister’s kids, try and remind them that they had another mother who they shouldn’t forget.
If you really want to get married then go ahead, but just to be on the safe side, maybe have a long engagement. Say a year or so. This will prove to both sides of the family that you really do love each other and it’s not just a comfort thing. It will also be a testing time to prove the same to each other and also see how the children will cope. Good luck, and I hope it works out. If it does, then I’m sure your sister would have approved of you taking her place and looking after her family.
Marc
Is it OK if a boy wears a thong? I really like thongs but I’m hesitant to buy one because some people think that it is very kadiri to wear a thong.
Indy
Umm, are you serious? Well, to be honest I guess it’s really up to the individual. Guys, in general, have never really been concerned whether or not their "panty-line" was showing under their jeans, and I have never had trouble with my underwear "creeping up" on me. As these are two of the main reasons why girls like to wear thongs, it does kind of diminish the excuses for a guy to wear one. Admittedly a lot of girls also wear thongs at the insistence of their boyfriends who find it sexy (I admit, I’m guilty as charged on that one!), but how many girls find a guy in a thong sexy?
If a group of girls went to watch some male strippers, then I guess I could understand them getting turned on by guys in thongs, but when you get really down and personal, I doubt if any of them would want their boyfriends wearing one on a day-to-day basis. Just to be sure, I did a quick poll of some female friends and the results are unanimous. Some wouldn’t mind if their boyfriend wore one for a joke in the privacy of their home, but otherwise, their opinion was that thongs should only be worn by women, gays or strippers. So unless you’ve had a sex change, or you like other boys more than girls, or cover yourself in body glitter and little else on a Saturday night, then maybe you should rethink your attraction to the butt-floss undies.
That being said, this is only my opinion and a few of my female friends. If, however, you feel perfectly comfortable wearing a thong, then by all means go ahead! Don’t feel that you’re completely alone either. I know for a fact that when Bench brought out their line of men’s thongs, they didn’t really expect them to do that well. Surprisingly, the first run sold out in a hurry, and are now very popular in Bench’s underwear section.
I personally prefer the comfort of the good old athletic boxer-brief (also available at Bench of course!), but then that’s just me. Some guys prefer the bikini brief and others the plain loose cotton boxer. Whatever you decide to wear, just make sure that you’re comfortable in it, as that is the most important feature of any underwear. As to what it looks like and whether it’s kadiri, only your girlfriend, mirror and laundromat will ever know the truth. If they’re OK with it, and you’re comfortable, then that’s all that matters.
Marc