For most people, the holiday season serves up a hefty helping of stress, right along with the
parol
and
simbang gabi
. According to one study, as many as three-fourths of people experience moderate to high levels of stress during the holidays.
During the Christmas season, people have such high expectations for things to be perfect,” says Jon Abramovitz, PhD, director of the Anxiety and Stress Disorders Clinic at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. In other words, we take on too much, then feel anxious and stressed out when reality doesn’t measure up to the flawless fantasy in our heads.
Sure, it’s that crazy time of year again, but with a little help from the experts, planning your holiday celebration doesn’t have to be stressful. And here’s what the experts say:
• “Holidays are for rest and recuperation, not for running around madly, packing in too many activities and spending too much money,” says Tom Hodgkinson, author of The Idle Parent: Very Laid-Back Parents Raise Happier and Healthier Kids (Jeremy Tarcher/Penguin). “Every few days, or at least once a week, take a couple of hours to do something you really enjoy. Escape to your room with a favorite novel, take a long walk, have coffee with a friend.
• Also be up front about how overwhelmed you are, says Annie Burnside, author of Soul to Soul Parenting (Wyeth-MacKenzie Publishing), who suggests you have everyone write down the two traditions he or she likes best. From there, make a family to-do list, including assigned tasks for each person. Kids tend to be more cooperative – and cheerful – when they’re part of the decision-making process.
• If you think you’re being overloaded with working every year as your family’s Christmas party organizer, the answer is simplify. “Alert your family ahead of time that you’re scaling back to have more time for appreciating the festivities,” says Shelley Carson, PhD, author of Your Creative Brain (Jossey-Bass). Rather than trying to please everyone, focus on what you personally would miss. Then delegate: Ask each guest to bring a dish to share. If there’s someone you’re especially close with, see if he or she will come a day early to help prepare food, decor, and gifts. Have the kids e-mail, text or phone the invites. Refuse to feel guilty about your decision to reduce your busyness, advises Carson. Most of all, stop from time to time to savor the sights and sounds of the season. “We often knock ourselves out to make everything wonderful and end up robbing ourselves of enjoyment,” she says. “But the celebration doesn’t have to be special.” In other words, whatever you do will be beautiful!
Another piece of good advice is to give yourself the gift of managing the extra workload with more grace than grouchiness. Here are five easy-does-it ways to achieve a graceful result:
1) In addition to your to-do list, write a not-to-do list, suggests Ann Daly, PhD, author of Clarity: How to Accomplish What Matters Most (Wollemi Pine Press). Note those tasks that don’t mean a lot – say, the neighbor’s open house. (No need to explain. If pressed, tell them, “We’ve got something else in the calendar.”) Also include basics: Don’t overspend, overschedule or do things solely out of obligation.
2) Watch for warning signs that you’re in overdrive, says Shelley Carson, PhD. “If your heart rate increases, or you feel irritable or impatient, have trouble sleeping or are indulging in stress eating,” she says, “you’ve got to find ways to slow down. Meaning, delete things on your to-do list that aren’t essential to what you truly value.
3) Stop every so often. Try on the hour or each time you’re alone to go within and connect with your spirit, whether by meditation, prayer or thinking about what’s good in your life.
4) Be aware of anxious thoughts (“This is too much! I’ll never get it done!”) and replace them with positive ones (“I can do this. I’m good at this.”). Stress comes from the negative messages your mind churns out. You don’t have to let yourself go there.
5) Make rest, good nutrition and exercise priorities. Think of your energy level as a bank account you don’t want to overdraw.
But the best way to dodge holiday stress: Take a time-out. A break from the hubbub re-energizes and refocuses you, making you able to avoid holiday or at least handle it better. “During the holidays, a buildup of stress can negatively affect your health, so it’s important to take some time to unwind and release tension when holiday obligations make you feel overwhelmed and anxious,” says Albert Yeung, MD, of the Depression Clinical and Research Program at Massachusetts General Hospital.
And here are 10 ways to relax over the holidays:
1) Eating dark chocolate may be one effective — and delicious — way to lower holiday stress. In a study involving 30 volunteers with symptoms of serious stress, researchers gave participants 1.4 ounces of dark chocolate every day for two weeks. When participants’ stress biochemicals were measured again at the end of the study period, researchers found significant reductions in levels of the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline, as well as decreases in markers of pathogenic bacteria associated with high anxiety levels, according to a report in the December 4, 2009 issue of the Journal of Proteome Research.
2) Disconnect from your surroundings. Turn off the TV, radio, phone, and laptop. Find a quiet place where you can be alone with only silence. Sit quietly and focus on deep, slow breathing for 20 minutes or so.
3) Uncoil tense muscles. Focusing on alternately tightening and releasing muscles from head to toe is an effective way of releasing tension in both mind and body. Sit or lie comfortably, and begin with your toes. Clench your muscles and hold for a count of 10, focusing on feelings of tightness. Now relax your muscles completely, and notice the tension drain away. Alternately, clench and relax the muscles of your feet, calves, thighs, buttocks, and so on, up to and including your arms, shoulders, neck and facial muscles. When you’re finished, you should feel blissfully relaxed all over. Lie or sit quietly for a few minutes to enjoy the sensation of utter ease.
4) Distract yourself. Thinking about something besides your to-do list can help you relax. Find an activity that wholly absorbs you — such as a puzzle, hobby, listening to music, or watching a movie — and spend at least a half-hour enjoying it. Taking a mini-vacation from holiday pressures will help revitalize you and restore your energy.
5) Pamper yourself. Activities that make you feel self-indulgent are other great ways to banish tension. Try taking a hot bath, getting a massage or facial, or going for a leisurely walk. Use lotions, fragrant candles, or perfumed body oils to relax with soothing scents.
6) Work out with yoga. Many basic yoga moves are very relaxing when done slowly and gently with deep breathing. A good example is the chest opener: Stretch your ribcage and expand your chest by rolling up a towel or blanket and lying face up with the roll placed under your middle back. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and feel the tension gradually leave your body
7) Use acupressure. Acupressure is a sort of self-massage that can help relieve tension, and it is especially effective when combined with deep, slow, breathing and thoughts of a relaxing scene. One technique that helps clear your mind and restore focus involves interlacing your fingers behind your head with thumbs down, and pressing gently at the base of the skull on the right and left sides of the spine where the bone and muscle meet. Press gently for a minute while breathing slowly and deeply and imagining a tranquil scene.
8) Re-experience past pleasures with photos. Spend some time perusing your family photo albums, concentrating on pictures of people and events that trigger pleasant memories. Pictures of past vacations, beloved relatives and good friends can help you relax.
9) Pet a pet. Research suggests that cuddling with a pet cat or dog or gazing at fishes in an aquarium can relive tension and lower blood pressure.
10) Do heat therapy. Plug in a heating pad for a relaxing heat treatment. Or make your own microwaveable heating pad by filling a thick, athletic-type sock with white rice or flaxseed – leaving a little space so grains can move around – and tying it off with string. When you need a relaxing break, simply heat the sock for a minute or so in your microwave until it’s agreeably warm, then sit or lie at ease while you apply the heated sock to your shoulders, neck, and any other area where tension accumulates.
Too much shopping and entertaining, and a never-ending to-do list, can turn December into a super-stress season. But the simple strategies discussed in this column will help keep your holidays merry and meaningful.