He did not want a medicine that did more hurt than good even if it might give him a few more days, not if it involved pain, discomfort not just for himself but specially for others.
It was ironic that for someone whose brain was basically fried by cancer, he was now exerting every mental effort to stay focused, to stay in control.
Yet Death mocks him by changing the perspective. A few months earlier he was a CEO who had an 18 month work calendar full of engagements.
Now he was just Eugene with a personal goal of seeing the sunset next year.
"Before the diagnosis, my last thought every night before falling asleep usually concerned something that was to happen one to six months later.
After the diagnosis, my last thought before falling asleep was . . . the next day."
Eugene was certainly not a quitter. Where others would have been bitter, the consummate CEO saw reason and purpose.
"Back when I was CEO, I expanded our firm’s mentoring program so that everyone would have a mentor. Later, as I was dying, I couldn’t help but think that learning all I did about death’s approach has forced on me the responsibility to share my experience. I wanted to mentor someone, even one person, with the knowledge I gained.
Knowledge about winding down relationships. About enjoying each moment so much that time seems to actually slow down.
About clarity and simplicity. About the death of spontaneity, and the need to rekindle it in our lives. . .
Must you have a terminal illness before the ideas penetrate?
Eugene certainly had me thinking.
It reminded me how the former Speaker of the House of Representatives Monching Mitra did his version of winding down relationships. Realizing life was not going to be as long as he had hoped, Mitra as far as I recall set out to thank people, forgive people and asked for forgiveness from people.
It was in accounting parlance a settling of accounts. A necessary act before closing the books. Something you do before the IRS or the BIR comes to collect your estate.
Clearly it was not simply about funeral arrangements.
The list: "Get legal & financial affairs in order," "Unwind relationships," "Simplify," "Live in the moment," "Create (but also be open to) great moments, perfect moments," "Begin transition to next state," "Plan funeral."
But Eugene was not all about Deathly preparations. He was as much for celebrating life. As a CEO he lived in the past, the present, and a lot for the future. He soon discovered that all these demanded "TIME" that he didn't have much of and couldn't afford to waste. He chose to live in the present.
"It is – was exhausting to live in a world that never exists."
Strange how terminal cause can obliterate our preoccupation with what never really was there, what we were never really sure we had or would have. It's like I don't have it so I don't miss it, I don't think about it.
I remember making a mental note of it: If we actually put together all the really meaningful productive days of our lives, we would only need half a lifetime . . . maybe . . . even less.
He had a good head start at re-evaluating life after they re-evaluated their corporate mindset. First they asked their partner what mattered most. I thought partners meant the same thing it did in the Philippines. Fortunately it didn’t.
To them Partners were their people. Management did not call them employees or staff. It was either their people or partners.
Their people when interviewed listed down very interesting stuff.
First that mattered was Family. To do work what was enjoyable. To have a life away from work. To be around smart, upbeat colleagues, in a team environment. To have an opportunity to mentor others.
They came to terms with the destructive culture where the wife or family was never part of the corporate equation, they worked on compassion, they removed the notions of job insecurity and threat.
They did not talk good health they learned it and trained at it corporately. They learned and relearned concepts of sleep and real rest. Of exercise and motion. In other words Eugene the CEO was well prepared for the biggest challenge of his life . . . His death.
CHASING DAYLIGHT
How My Forthcoming Death Transformed My Life.
A book by Eugene O’Kelly / Powerbooks / National Bookstore