Should I tell on my boss?

Dear Mai Mai, China and Tingting,

I am an executive secretary in a small but reputable company. I work for a great boss. He is nice to me, his management skills and work-related decisions are always correct. He is respected by his peers and loved by those who work under him. The only thing is, he is cheating on his wife. I don’t want to judge him, but as a devout Catholic I don’t feel comfortable with the situation. I am staying on because I have established myself on the job and my work package is good. But my conscience is bothering me. I sometimes resort to lying to his wife to cover up for him. What should I do?

Secret-Ary

If he’s cheating on his wife, that’s his choice — his life, his choice. Live and let live. However, if his actions force you to lie for him, then this is a different matter. You should stand by your principles and not let any situation or any person get in the way. It looks like your wanting to stay at the job has caused you to tolerate his behavior and is causing you much grief. If your relationship with him is such that you can talk to him and be honest about it, then go ahead and do so. Before you do that, however, be ready to get fired. If your relationship is professional and he isn’t into accepting unsolicited advice, then start job hunting and tender your resignation as soon as you find one.  - China

You obviously don’t have peace of mind and I think this, above all, is what you need. Talk to him, be honest and then resign. There will be some sacrifices in pursuing peace of mind and standing on principle, but I am sure the sacrifice will be worth it. When you hand him your notice, scout around for a new job. You might not find a job at the same level, or be offered the same package but at least your conscience will be clear. It’s a question of practicality versus principle. Practicality because who wouldn’t want to keep a good package? Principle because I am sure you want to kick him (and yourself) each time there’s a need to lie or cover up. Think it over carefully because the risks are big. - Mai Mai

If you’re not comfortable with the situation, then leave. That’s the only way out of this. While you’re working for him, you might end up tolerating him against your will. Or, you might just find it too much and decide to be his conscience and risk being fired. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be in either position, so I will resign and find my peace elsewhere. I don’t know how efficient and effective you are going to be if your heart is torn. As executive secretary, your loyalty is a big factor. You know your loyalty is wavering, so how can you serve him truthfully?

Resign and find another job. But tell him why you’re sacrificing this job for another one — you owe it to yourself. Who knows, he might learn from this and it’ll become the turning point in his life. - Tingting