What I learned from other people’s mothers

MANILA, Philippines - At some point in our lives, we may have questioned the saying, “Mothers know best.” Perhaps the disbelief stems from the scary rendition of “Mother Knows Best” by that youth-crazed witch in Tangled, the very existence of Teen Mom, or your own adolescent wandering and dips into rebellion. While my mother has been a source of lessons in the quarter of a century that I’ve been alive (e.g. “You just… do it” when asked about how to paint), here are some lessons in life I have collected from fictional surrogate television moms over the years.

On considering others’ feelings: “You never know what’s going on with somebody, sweetie. Can’t take it personally,” says Tami Taylor from Friday Night Lights. Tami, who fittingly started working as a guidance counsellor mid-series, is the perfect blend of sensible, understanding, and responsible. She’s one cool lady who seems to live by her own advice. Driving the point home is Weeds’ Nancy Botwin (not such a stellar mom example, I know), who reminds us: “We’re all broken.”

These are things to chew on when someone is being a nut case and you don’t understand why.

On passive aggression and avoidance: While I don’t think this is a healthy way to deal with conflict, I do understand it when Gilmore Girls’ Lorelai Gilmore said, “I don’t like problems. I avoid them when I can and I don’t like people pointing them out to me.” Similarly, Nico sings, “Don’t confront me with my failures / I had not forgotten them.” Just knowing that someone out there wrote this for Lorelai’s character meant that I had somehow been understood. My admittedly weird feelings were validated and it made dealing with problems a little easier. It’s like, “Okay, I get it; I’ll deal with it.”

On the reality of the world: Jean Weir, Sam and Lindsay’s mom from Freaks and Geeks, is the poster child for Oblivious Mom. Her worldview comes into question when her own understanding of her daughter slowly falls apart and she starts to pull away. “The world is such a different place then the one I grew up in,” she says, after a failed Halloween celebration. “Everything just seems so much meaner these days.”

On believing in yourself: Joyce Summers, mother of the Slayer, gives one of the best pep talks in Buffy the Vampire Slayer: “You’ve got a world of strength in your heart. I know you do. You just have to find it again.” This comes in handy when you find that your spirit is broken. Again.

The Simpsons’ Marge tells us to be true to ourselves, and not to mind what other people’s opinions may be. “You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head,” she says.

On the attractiveness of destructiveness: Patty Chase of My So-Called Life sends an arrow, straight to the heart of your wonton teenage desires, “It’s always tempting to lose yourself with someone who’s maybe lost themselves. But eventually, you want reality.” Later, Jordan Catalano.

On just doing you: And another one from Mrs. Weir (not so oblivious after all!), “Lindsay, there is more to life than competition.”

Motherhood seems exhausting, especially when you end up mothering little twerps like me who always screw up. When your mom gives you advice you don’t agree with at the time or otherwise, remember that more often than not they are just trying to look out for you in the best way they know how. Give your mom a hug on mother’s day, even if you are usually at odds with each other. If, for whatever reason, that’s not possible, tune in to your favorite T.V. program and pretend to share a moment with your pretend mom. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.