Aweek ago I joined a group of new graduates in an informal discussion on life and work. As expected, I wore my double hats — that of a teacher and a practicing communications professional — in facilitating the process. The interaction focused on the identified theme — you have the power to have the life you want and the life you deserve. Interestingly, there was an active exchange of ideas from the participants and at the end of it a clear and concise insight was arrived at — one’s power gets weakened by the negative thoughts you feed your mind with. They could be untruths brought about by fear, either known or unknown. It could be the fear of uncertainty, of experimentation, and evolvement into a creative persona, the fear of risking and being a total fool and of taking a stand for greatness.
These fears, most agreed, instigate the untruths you bring yourself to bear. They remove you from daring actions and huge commitments and inventing a future in the face of total ambiguity. The group conversation borrowed Steve Chandler’s inspired set of ideas as a trigger and a fundamental backdrop in bringing out these consolidated thoughts.
1. The doing is the thing that brings success. It’s right there in your work. In the world of success, who you know is nothing. What you do with “who” you know is everything. The promise of what you do doesn’t always have to be spoken. Action speaks louder than words. Thus, if you have great ideas, don’t just talk about it, do it. Walk the talk, and as you walk learn to chew gum as well.
2. Nobody is too young or too old for anything. One of the easiest ways for you to avoid doing something is to say that you are too young or too old to do it. It’s a claim that keeps you out of action, although it’s almost never really true that you are not at the right age to do it. But wasn’t it not too long ago you were telling yourself that you were too young to do things, that you didn’t really know how to yet? With that mindset, you plant in your head that you don’t have enough experience or confidence to do things right. Later in life you may hear yourself say, “I’m too old for that.” It becomes your way out of things. But it’s almost never the truth. It’s almost always just a feeling covered by an invented “fact.” Should you honor and respect that feeling? Is feeling old a useful feeling, anyway?
3. Be not afraid. The self-concept of cowardice brings about the lie that being afraid to act is being unable to act. The truth is that you can always find courage. You have it like a heartbeat. It is right there inside your fears. As Chandler declares, “It’s like a jewel inside a closed fist waiting to be uncovered. It is not something you don’t have. It escapes you only because you have programmed in your bio-computer that you are coward.” How many times have you dictated in your mind statements like, “I don’t have what it takes,” “I don’t have it in me to stand up to this,” or “I’ll never make it”?
4. If your heart is in it, time will come aplenty. If you really want to do something, it is not true that you don’t have the time. You will make the time. It is never time that you lack, it is always the purpose. Be honest and say, “I think I should say I want to, but I don’t have the commitment.” It’s all a matter of desire. If your desires are strong, they can be converted into clear commitments, which in turn can cause the creation of time. When the drive and passion to accomplish a job or project are overflowing, you have all the time in the world.
5. Worse situations bring out the best in you. You become more creative or are able to come up with even more brilliant solutions during periods of crisis. Before a crisis hits — financial, familial, or professional — it would help if you just tell yourself, “There’s something I can do.” By saying that, you stretch your imagination, fire your energy, and think hard and deep about the problem or situation. Undoubtedly you dig for opportunity in a time of danger. And in today’s business and life environment, you have to do everything you have to do to get things done. You either serve or you don’t serve at all. It’s either black or white, yes or no. Just like doing advocacy work, there is no gray area. If your commitment is genuine service, then there’s always something you can accomplish.
6. Don’t be a worrywart. Dr. Deepak Chopra, in Journey to the Boundless, writes, “To worry is to pray for what you don’t want.” When you catch yourself perturbed, make note of it and act. Do something about it. It is great way to train yourself not to worry, especially if you loathe being an action man or woman. You worry because you are in the habit of worrying. You worry in order to do nothing, and before you know it, doing nothing about a problem soon becomes the problem. As Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.”
7. The wiser you are, the happier you get. The classic ditty Lemon Tree says the opposite. As the old folk song’s lyrics go, “One day she left without a word, she took away the sun. And in the dark she left behind, I knew what she had done. She left me for another; it’s a common tale but true. A sadder man but wiser now, I sing these words to you.” Chandler explains that the lesson of Lemon Tree is a lie. The real truth is that the more astute you are, the more contented you become. Wisdom gives you joy. You become unhappy if you quit. As a psychologist friend muses, sadness comes from dimming the lights, not turning them up. Happiness, on the other hand, comes from being progressively wiser — from brightly lighting your consciousness with new knowledge, skill and power.
8. Bad habits are not hard to break. “People change in a nanosecond,” Tom Peters underscores. Indeed, you can go cold turkey — you can go from smoker to non-smoker in an instant or from drunk to non-drinker in no time at all. You give up your bad pills the moment you throw the last handful of them into the toilet, watch them disintegrate in cloudy, wet powder trails just as former habits disintegrate, too. Whether you’ve had a habit for two or 20 years, the process is exactly the same. How long you’ve been doing something means nothing. The action you take to create a new self-perception means everything.
9. People energize you. You could be boosted up, if you wanted to. You could choose not to be upset. It’s easier to feel than to think. Thinking about people, your commitments to and your love for them take courage and imagination. And if you are afraid to develop these two attributes, the easiest way is to cop out or, worse, to lie.
10. Big money is not everything. People who become millionaires after winning the lotto are often treated with jealousy and contempt. The universe has a great deal of fun unmasking the untruths that you tell, like money solving everything. Most people who win big money quit their jobs and try to spend their way to happiness and fulfillment, only to find themselves growing less and less happy. A wealthy person who has earned his or her money is treated with respect. Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, both self-made multi-billionaires, are greeted with standing ovations whenever they get invited to speak to share their business and life experiences.
11. The world will not let you down, and you’d better believe it. What’s the commonality among these big names — Vincent Van Gogh, Billie Holiday, Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe, Janis Joplin, and Dylan Thomas? They took their own lives. They are people who perhaps felt they were just too beautiful or precious for this world, and they felt the world had let them down. The lesson to be learned: don’t be too sensitive. Life is a series of rights and wrongs brought to bear by your own decisions or indecisions.
12. No one can raise your own self-esteem but yourself. Obtain a certain freedom to act on your own behalf. You may take longer than others, but there is no limit to the kindling or rekindling of self-esteem. There is no age limit to it. You’ve seen people in their 60s who began their lives afresh with a whole new sense of self-confidence and self-respect.
13. Seize the “here and now.” Death gains power over you when you begin to worship your own past, or when you do everything for the sake of nostalgia and with a dull sense of what the future holds. Avoid transferring your power to the past. Note that it can waste your life when you use the bygone years this way. It makes the present feel empty of its promise. It is not a shame that you were not able to record the past on video. It is more discreditable when you do not take hold of the present, or when you neglect to invent or reinvent a current life worthy of seeing through the video lens of your own mind.
14. You can always change for the better if you want to. Reject the notion that you have permanent characteristics that dictate what you do. Who you are is changeable. What you want undone or continued is within your control. You are not helpless and hardwired. The trick is to face the truth — constantly morphing, knowing that the method of reinvention is always an internal intention to change — to play hard, to work hard, and to really go for your dreams.
16. Steer clear of any form of addiction. You hear a lot about the ordinariness of evil, but it is nothing compared to the deadly effect of horrible vices like alcoholism, drug addiction or too much attachment to material wealth. Once you get wrapped up and trapped by these dangers, you decline and become grotesquely uninteresting. Addiction to anything, as Chandler articulates, is just addiction — boring, brutal and banal.
17. Self-reliance is key. Stuart Wilde says, “If you intend to consolidate and quicken your energy, as I’m sure you do, you will find accepting the truth and living in it to be two of the strongest concepts one can embrace.” You are not helpless. You are self-reliant and empowered. Living powerfully is a choice. And with clear choice comes the defeat of fear and the triumph of your more truthful self.
Truly, the views above will be helpful to make you function at your peak, overcome personal and professional hurdles and achieve your full potential.
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E-mail bongosorio@yahoo.com or bong_osorio@abs-cbn.com for comments, questions and suggestions. Thank you for communicating.