‘Life is beautiful by design’

The blueprint of life displays a beautiful design, though skewed lines and dreary colors are present. Life offers a brush for a pleasing, gratifying sketch. “Life,” as my friend Sonya Garcia always tells me, “is beautiful by design.”

I am most introspective during the week of my birthday. In the course of my self-examination, I lounge in memories of the past and look forward to what else life will offer me. Gratitude fills my heart. I am most thankful I am alive. I am content, although every day, I miss my late parents. Memories of my parents are a blessing for a yearning heart.

The blessings I have now — brothers who check on each other, nephews and nieces who are close to each other, well-meaning friends who have my back, food on the table three times a day, clothes on my back and in my closet, a good job that pays the monthly bills — are more than what I prayed for when I was a child dreaming to get out of life’s drought. The deficiencies I experienced fueled my dream. Hunger is needed to be full and filled.

No one gets through life alone. At the end of the day, we manage to survive the day because there are people who help us to continue enjoying life. Life becomes beautiful when we notice our friend’s deafening silence. And when we become more quiet than usual, aren’t we so blessed when a friend notices our solitude, talks us out of our quiet sojourn, and brings us back to life?

The beauty of life lies in people who say, “I’m here. You’re not alone. Allow me to help you,” when you face difficulties. Life’s challenges come at any point in time. My best friend Christine Dayrit offers me that reprieve every time I am under the weather. I do the same to her. We are two peas in a pod. “Will and Grace.” We take our turns in becoming the “Darna and Ding,” “Batman and Robin” in our almost 30-year-old friendship. Christine taught me that the highest form of generosity is when you help those who do not have the ability to pay you back. Life is beautiful by design.

Life’s treasures are the people who know by the tone of your voice or the shrug of your shoulders that you are not OK. And when you can confide to them the worries of your heart knowing fully that they will guard the information with their life, life becomes more beautiful.

My dearest friend Rachy Cuna and I send a text message every day to each other to check on the other. We talk three to four times a day on the phone. When I don’t answer his text within the day, he dials my number, a sense of joy permeates the air with one hello.

And when you find someone who can support you unselfishly in your growth, someone who can instill still confidence in your life and career, he or she is for keeps. God has blessed me with that kindness through Joanne Rae Ramirez, my editor in The Philippine STAR, my beautiful friend for life. I take pride in our “Sultana-Sultanita” relationship. That’s also significant in my life.

A few days before I turned 53 last Wednesday, I was talking to my sister-from-another-mother Mye Alimagno Pascual about “finding your people.”

Mye said, “What I learned when I turned 50 recently was that there are people who will not believe in you, who will not support you because it’s you — out of envy or simply because that’s them. But there will always be people who will believe in you because it is you. Bottom line, celebrate both kinds of people but it’s always better to find your people.”

The Alimagno family sent me to a private high school in Cabuyao as a scholar when my parents could not afford the monthly tuition of P50. (One day, I’ll write about how Mye’s parents, Tito Ed and Tita Connie Alimagno made me live for months recently in one of the houses in their compound when our abode in Gulod was being renovated. It’s a nurturing tale worth telling.)

Life is beautiful by design because plotted in it are the people you will keep, people who will not give up in making you a better human being.

Another sister from another mother, Jan Chavez Arceo, did not give up on her dream of making me part of the faculty of her family’s school, St. Vincent College of Cabuyao. She “courted” me for five years to teach in their private college in Cabuyao City. It was when I “gave in” two years ago that I saw all the more the beauty of life.

Jan was correct when she told me, “It’s in your character to enjoy teaching. And it’s always a gratifying experience to teach.”

In two years, more than 3,000 students have been under my lively way of teaching Philippine Pop Culture, Art Appreciation, Understanding the Self, and Philippine Literature. Aside from the requirements of the subject — because I have observed that many Gen Zs are not partial anymore to reading and writing — I incorporated journal writing and reading the online version of The Philippine STAR every day in my classes. It is my little contribution to my students’ lives to be aware of their emotions and to be aware of what’s happening in the country. There’s always that Kleenex moment when students send me a thank you message at the end of the sem.

Truth is necessary for a life to be lived well. Dayday Cabrera, Mulong Palis, and Larcy Jarmin are the closest friends I have in the UPLB Com Arts Soc. We raise our eyebrows or roll our eyes when one of us says, “I’m okay” — but we doubt it

A group chat will be formed right away. Then we talk, and laugh, and make memories our flying trapeze. We would talk for hours, unmindful of the time differences because we are scattered around the world.

Indeed, real friendships make life beautiful. A true test of friendship is when you can sit in comfortable silence with someone rather than making small talk.

My own life is gay and beautiful because of Jay Capiral, my college best friend in UP Los Baños, and Manny Marinay, my best friend after college. We police each other when it comes to matters of the heart. We don’t see each other regularly anymore but we always know how to find our way to each other’s heart. And when life throws us lemons, we video call each other — not to make lemonades but to make chismisan. And if we call each other while rushing to meet a deadline, the video will just be on. No need for a conversation between us as we sway along with the day.

Presence is felt albeit in silence — on the phone. And when anyone of us says: “Oh, mga vakla, tama na ito. Vavush,” the video call ends after more than 90 minutes of silence.

Life is beautiful by design — and the beautiful design is never ending. It’s about how many acts of kindness you have given others and how many acts of kindness you have received. Giving and receiving kindness should never be taken for granted.

Kindness is faith in motion. In this movement is a beautiful life where gratitude resides. Life is beautiful by design. *